Sunday, January 31, 2010


The post title's first half are words from the song used in the video, Angel from Montgomery and the second half is not only true, it is the title of Alice Miller's wonderful book, The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting.


Please, let me know if clicking the link above doesn't take you to the video at youtube for the poem
Brave Truth

This youtube video is uploaded as "private". I have done this before and found my "private" video uploaded on a website. I am hoping this doesn't happen for this one.

I was starting to go through my computer, preparing to back-up everything for a major repair and found some things in the wrong place. One of the things that I found is this poem written July 27, 2008.

My life changed from the exchange that I refer to in this poem. It is then that a weight lifted and soon after I started blogging, I chose the name ilovemylife as a direct result of this exchange. I continue to process the experiences of a lifetime. Clarity and sense of ownership to my own perceptions have freed me and continue to move me in that direction.

My post Moments of real versus a lifetime of pretending speaks of Alice Miller's book,
The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting . Another of her books is The Truth Shall Set You Free. Alice has written many books about the childhood trauma many of us have had and continue to be affected by throughout our lifetime. Her website: Alice Miller

The following is a letter from her website: readers mail

Dear Alice,

I stopped seeing my mother 7 years ago, because I always was afraid of having deadly illnesses after the weekly phone calls with her.

Because I couldn’t cope any longer with these fears, I decided I had to have a time out and I told her I didn’t want to have contact for some weeks. She was very angry and wanted an explanation. I told her that I had the feeling she never loved me. She was very angry: how could I say that she didn’t not love me because she and my dad paid for my study, and when I was I child she could not sleep because I was afraid during the night and crying for her attention, and when I was very ill when I was a baby she was visiting doctors with me. She was so angry that she told me that she will advise every parent not to visit a doctor with a little child.

She told me that I had to apologize for saying that she didn’t love me; else she didn’t want to see me.

In the first 2 years my father was visiting me every 6 months and was asking me to apologize; that would be better for the whole family, my mother and him and my two sisters and the daughters of my sister. He stopped visiting me when it was clear to him that I was not going to apologize for something I was feeling.

I’m still seeing my sisters. We never talk about my parents, but I know that they do not understand my decision. “Because my parents are old people now, and they had their faults but now we are adults and have to cope with our problems ourselves”.

My two sisters are very close. They never contact me, I always contact them. The youngest has two little daughters and it’s nice seeing these little girls. That’s why I want to have contact with my sisters and also because I’m very afraid of not having family at all.

But the contact with my sisters is not satisfying, because the youngest sister is never ever interested in me, never asks me a question and is only talking to me about her life. The eldest sister makes me feel very bad; she tells me that a lot of things happened between her and me when we were children and that that’s the reason why our contact will never be good. I told her that the things that happened between us as little sisters is not because we were bad children but a result of the treatment of our parents.

Since I am not seeing my parents any more it’s going very well with me professionally and personally. The only problem that persists is that with friends it’s hard for me feeling comfortable; I’m often feeling overwhelmed by them and afraid that they don’t like seeing me anymore.

But with my sisters it’s not going better, even worse. It seems as if they are not interested in me and I always feel very bad after having contact with them. But I’m afraid stopping contacting my sisters, because then I am totally without family. And I’m thinking maybe it’s true, that I’m bad and that I have to try being a better person.

Last night I have a dream. In this dream first my youngest sister had informed my boss that I was a very bad person. My mother was laughing. I was afraid because my boss didn’t tell me but it was clear for me that she agreed with my sister (she changed in her communication to me). Then my other sister with a youth friend told me angrily :“that’s the same thing you did in “ city X””. I was totally in a shock, I haven’t ever heard of the name “city x”, and what I
did wrong. I panicked, could not breath and awoke crying….

I’m afraid of not having family anymore, but I’m afraid as well that it is not healthy having this kind of relationship with my sisters and always have the feeling that they don’t like seeing and talking to me.

Seven years ago it was very hard for me to come to the conclusion that I had to stop seeing my mother. Now I’m very, very glad because I lost a lot of irrational fears. But now it’s even harder to know what to do in the contact with my sisters.

Thank you for your wonderful books and website!

End of the Reader's Mail letter on Alice Miller's website

There are more letters: Alice Miller Readers Mail

Click on the post title and it will take you to the amazon page to purchase the book. I get nothing for recommending this book. However, I recommend it. I find it very validating.

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Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Click on picture to enlarge
Picture retrieved at the
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus fans' support site

Heath Ledger as Tony in his final movie
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Click on picture to enlarge
Picture from Sony Pictures Classics

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Written, Produced and Directed by Terry Gilliam

of a Movie Makes a Difference to How Many Show Up

This post is about Terry Gilliam's movie
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus and therefore all the people involved in this work of imagination and creativity. But this post is unlike the reviews that give you the synopsis of the movie in their own words. And here is one of the best. But I am going to take on addressing frustration that I have about this movie not being duly promoted by its USA distributor, Sony Pictures Classics, while also including some general frustrations in the USA and money being our guide. Perhaps, our master.

All is not equal in the world of what is pushed upon us versus what is not. Solely because something is promoted, put in our faces, reported doesn't mean it is worthy of our attention. The opposite is also true. There are things, stories worth our time and money that get minimal attention and sometimes no telling or promoting. This movie is one of those. It has received minimal supportive promotion by its distributor.

On the Whole

I cannot express how exasperated I am with how backwards we have gotten in the United States of America. Our media can take an important story, such as Haiti's earthquake and repeat it 24 hours a day, until I can't take anymore and my solution becomes to shut off the TV. An important story of a 7 year genocide can be marginalized and basically ignored by a media who shies away from such stories of real reality and airs way too many mind-numbing "reality" shows. News media has morphed into entertainment outlets, using the 20 minutes a night with time split between national and world news with the category of pop news, which more appropriately belongs on
Entertainment Tonight.

Money Makes the World Go Around - Or Does It?

On the whole, "we" have decided that the deciding factor in what is important and best - is what makes the most money. Life is all about money or it isn't. I am going to go out on a limb and say "Life is not all about money". The important things in life are about truth, integrity, humanity, caring for nature, beauty, appreciating it, imagination and creativity.

In a Nutshell

So many undeserving movies get funding for publicity so that the public will go to see them. And many of those movies serve to dumb us down. And then there are movies like
Doctor Parnassus that deserve appreciation, viewers and, for sure, funding for publicizing it – so that the public knows it is there for the enjoyment. What a pity the world gets shortchanged because a distributor decides not to really distribute the big screen experience that this Gilliam movie merits.

It is a shame that Sony Pictures Classics bought the rights to this movie and are not promoting it - at least where I live, there has been not one trailer on TV for Parnassus. People won't go to a movie, they haven't heard is out there.

I have
thankfully had the opportunity to have The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus available to me in a theatre 45 miles away. I saw it the opening night, January 8, 2010 in Providence, Rhode Island's independent film, one-screen cinema, at the Avon Cinema. I saw it there five times, twice watching back-to-back screenings (paying each time). And each time I stayed all the way to the very end. And each time, I listened for the ring tones that Johanna, a wonderful Heath Ledger fan, mentioned to me in an email. But I just never heard them. I wondered about this and tried to figure it out. When I took my neighbor girl to see it, we both listened and heard nothing. I studied the music credits to try to get a clue.

Later, I read that they happened after the last credit left the screen and the screen went dark. Read about it here.
Here is a portion of Theresa's post from The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus.support site:
...I had noticed after the credits when the screen went dark that the score of the film played in what sounded like cell phone tones coming from every direction... I ... asked Terry Gilliam about the score being played in cell phone tones. He said, “To me it is the sound of many, many people trying to call Heath on Tony’s cell phone. Unfortunately, he still doesn’t seem to be picking up. One blogger/reviewer said it brought tears to his eyes. Obviously he got it.”

Not All Theatres Are Equal

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus closed at the Avon Cinema January 21, which I considered unthinkable, being the date of the night that Heath Ledger took an accidental lethal mixture of prescription drugs two years ago. Therefore dying before the completion of the shooting of this movie. He was pronounced dead January 22. For me, it was like, he died the 22nd and so did my chance - and everyone else's in Rhode Island - to see his final movie, again.

Then, I googled
"The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus in Rhode Island theatres" and found that it was playing in Providence at Providence Place at a complex, Providence Place Cinemas 16 & IMAX. It started there January 22, 2009 - as I say, the two year anniversary date of Mr. Heath Ledger's passing. It was a phoenix for me. I couldn't have gone on the the 22nd or 23rd, but immediately I made mental plans to change my schedule, so that I could go yesterday to see it at the 2:35 p.m. screening.

So, I left the house an hour before it was to begin, maneuvered my car around the maze of the multi-tiered parking garage and hopefully parked in a spot that I could easily locate later. By the time I got inside the many-leveled mall, and asked a willing stranger to help me figure out how to find my way up three flights of escalators, then an extra set to the theatre floor itself, I still had five plus minutes to spare.

I walked up to the ticket counter under imposing spacial ceilings and darkened, liberally spacious while cavernous floor plan. Tuesdays are "bargain" day. And what a bargain! $6 only. I said simply Parnassus. And got an unknowing look from the young girl. So, I lengthened the name and said
Doctor Parnassus. Another blank look was her response. So I said it all: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. She shook her head affirmatively and got halfway through saying The Imaginarium... herself, while pressing the right buttons to deliver the ticket for me.. We exchanged six dollars and a ticket. Number 10 was where I was headed, first door on my left.

Still I arrived early inside number 10. I had been once or twice here before. Beautiful theatre, stadium seating. I had my pick of seats. Straight out from the the center portion of the screen, center seat.

Just let me jump to what I experienced

This was a whole new movie for me. It was, in some ways, like I was "seeing" it for the first time. I saw things I never saw before. Well, noticed. Maybe, it was because, now I wasn't just there mourning the loss of someone I had learned to love. Learned to love after he passed away. You see, this is the first movie of Heath's that I had the privilege to experience on the big screen. I have seen almost everything he has done on dvd. Probably the only thing I haven't seen now is the soap he was on. But I had seen this movie five times in the other theatre, that specializes in independent type movies.

But this was different. The picture wasn't any clearer. I would hope that someday the definition could be, well more defined. But the sound. The sound! The fabulous sound in this theatre was different. Sublime. Compared to the Avon Cinema it was out of this world. I heard things that I never experienced the first five times that I saw
Doctor Parnassus. The surround sound was sensational. And so needed to fully appreciate this work of Mr. Gilliam's.

I cannot not praise it enough.

And I heard the ring tones.

I heard the ring tones!

Ahhh... Finally.


It was wonderful to see this movie in a theatre that was equipped with a great sound system. No offense to the Avon. However. Not all theatres are equal. This contrast of an experience was proof to me.

And if I had only had the other experience I would have never known. Just like I don't know what it is like to see those beautiful Canadian landscapes in Brokeback Mountain filling in for Wyoming or Montana or ? on a big, sweeping screen. And with a beautiful sound system.

Okay, let me say this: This movie was. so. much. better ~ when I saw it in a good quality theatre. It is not enough to see it in just any theatre. If you can, see it in a theatre with an up-to-date sound system. But, of course, do see it. Seeing it only on your TV can't give you the experience this movie deserves. Well, maybe you have a large screen, high definition and surround sound. I don't. But even if you do, it is worth you going to a theatre to see it the way it was meant to be experienced. I am a convert now to a dvd not being the way to see movies. (But I will still continue watching my Heath Ledger dvds over and over. You can't beat the special features on the dvds, at least.)

I am going again tomorrow to see
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. On the walk out after the movie, I asked - and hopefully, the ticket person is right - this movie will be here at least one additional week. We'll see. I wasn't the only person in the theatre on bargain Tuesday at 3:35 p.m., but there were only about twenty of us there. But school is on and it was that time of day when people wouldn't ordinarily fill the seats.

But, like I said: People won't go to a movie, they haven't heard is out there.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Want to see some fabulous clips of
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus?

From the Sundance Channel:

Terry Gilliam - Up Close and Fantastical

Clip 7

Clip 1

Clip 2
What exactly do you all do here?

We tell the eternal story.

And what is that exactly?

The story that sustains the universe.
The story without which there is nothing.

Nothing... You mean, you stop telling the story
and the whole universe ceases to exist?

You make it sound so simple.

And you believe it?

We are ordained for this task.

This is incredible to me - that you can believe something
that can so easily be disproved

Oh, I don't think so.

We'll see.

Clip 3

Clip 4

Clip 5

Clip 6 Colin Farrell as Tony

Clip 7 - Heath as Tony

Clip 8 "He's Come to Collect" - Christopher Plummer and Verne Troyer

Part 1 of 3 interview with Terry Gilliam

Part 2 of 3 part interview with Terry Gilliam

Part 3 of 3 part interview with Terry Gilliam

4 Songs from the Soundtrack

Trailer of
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus


Tribute to The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
by jopicca, Johanna

Click post title to go to a special tribute of Heath
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
by jopicca, Johanna

My Heath Tribute Section

I love this tribute.....
the music has found a home in my heart


Uploaded by prissson

I'm There Too

I see myself in you
In everything you do
And when you’re all alone at night
You know I am by your side
Cause I’m there too

I see me in your eyes
And I’m tears you cry
And when you fall apart
And are dying from a broken heart
I’m there too

I see your footsteps in the sand
As you journey on across this land
But if you should fall on your way
Then I will carry you that day
Cause I’m there
I’m there too
Yeah I’m there too

I see your face in mine
And I know there’ll come a time
When you will take my hand
And I will understand
That you’re there too

When you will take my hand
And I will understand
That you’re there
You’re there too

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I love you now and until forever ends.....

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Monday, January 25, 2010


our worst ugliness

was our blindness

to our own beauty

and our fear

more than death

was rejection

from each other.

from the book to believe in man by Joseph Pintauro


Longing to Touch

Suspended in time and in space

I yearn to feel more of something,

I know not of

I ache because of endless questions . . .whys

I long to touch


to be touched

by you.

By Sandra Hammel


Truth versus Lies

I stand tall in my personal truth

Truths live in the light

Lies live in the dark

I find my integrity only when living in my truth.

And often feel my truth must be out loud.

It is my duty

to be the truths that I want to see in others.

Strength can’t be borrowed,

It can only be summoned up.

What is truth without courage?

I love standing tall.

With assurance I stand tall.

By Sandra Hammel, May 29, 2006


To hear Daneil Day-Lewis talk about Heath the day that Heath Ledger was discovered unconscious, then pronounced dead


For Dad

I love you now and until forever ends

Dad and my son on Dad's self-made lake in Indiana

For my son

Destiny brought us together

Nothing will tear us apart

I carry your heart in my heart


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Sunday, January 24, 2010


Sometimes I post a video I love more than once and then sometimes, like this one, I love and I don't think I have ever posted here.

I just love the music and the words....this is wonderful.


by prissson from Bulgaria
Feelings of
. . . I carry your heart in my heart

Lyrics to the song

I'm There Too

I see myself in you
In everything you do
And when you’re all alone at night
You know I am by your side
Cause I’m there too

I see me in your eyes
And I’m tears you cry
And when you fall apart
And are dying from a broken heart
I’m there too

I see your footsteps in the sand
As you journey on across this land
But if you should fall on your way
Then I will carry you that day
Cause I’m there
I’m there too
Yeah I’m there too

I see your face in mine
And I know there’ll come a time
When you will take my hand
And I will understand
That you’re there too

When you will take my hand
And I will understand
That you’re there
You’re there too


IF YOU go away


I'm not sure why I thought of this text from a book that I love. The first part is what came to me, then when I found that I had posted this March 3, 2007 at life-to-look-back-on-with-its-fun-pain and then I thought it is too good to not post all of it.

"Once we believe in ourselves . . .

we can risk

curiosity . . .

wonder . . .

. . . and spontaneous delight

or any experience

that reveals

the human spirit.

Opening up

a way

of touching . . .

and judging:

Hills can be obstacles or glorious delight.

When a child asks about God,
what God do we name?

Someone 'up there' . . . ?
an invisible person . . . ?

Why not answer with
the experience of love
that invites children
to discover something new
in themselves
whatever opens us
to become more human
is flesh
of the God we can know.

. . . . . . Instead of asking:
'How should I pray?'
we should ask:
'How can I grow?'
How do I touch
what is most real in myself
and others -

That something
which ties us into the world
and life?

How do we open out
to a sight
a touch
a whisper of joy
the spine -

Drawing these
into our faith-experience
of God-with-us?

Why not let life itself
teach us how to pray?

Developing a 'feel for life'
developing a 'feel for God.'

. . . . . . God touches us
in the same way that the world
and other people
touch us -


inviting us

to become more open,

to become more human.

If we answer with all that we are -

and hope to be -

then to live

is to live in faith

that we have found
at one
an incarnate God.

The meadow is not God
you are not God
the patterned morning freshness is not God.

O P E N ... Y O U R S E L F

to meadow and morning,

to what is before you

is to find Emmanuel, to know God-with-us


We know this
in moments of beauty. . . "

from the book "Please Touch"
by Edwin M. McMahon and Peter A. Campbell

Terrific, isn't it?

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A Force of Nature from Mariago

At the heathledgerplanet.com forum there is a thread to freely talk about anything really and here is a shortened comment from one of the posters:

I sometimes wonder what I would have said to Heath had I met him...

I'd like to think it would be like that with Heath and I. Just shooting the breeze. I keep thinking what I'd say to him. I think I would have asked him ..

Then I would have wanted to know...
I'd talk about his ... but I'd think of something to ask him that wasn't typically...

I think of Heath as a friend now, but it would have been awesome to know him in person too.

And my response:

I like this. How you imagine how it would be - being with Heath and just being yourself. Sort of your own Heath Imaginarium - going past those sheets of a curtain - beyond the threshold of real to the "other real" on the other side of the tangible, now that, that is what we are left with. Heath being away from his body.

I seem to easily pass the threshold of being too concerned of appearing "off the deep end".... you know, a little different, a little atypical....on and on. So let me venture out there... I talked to Heath the last couple of days because I needed some grounding and some courage to do something that frightens me and at the same time creative. I also talked to my dad. They are both in that same universe of the spiritual world without their bodies. I go to light a candle for each of them and talk to them there "as if" ...like you imagine in your thoughts Linda. As I write this, my heart beats with more depth, more intensity, more realness. It is comforting, grounding and feels so right to love someone in a spiritual way and for that - those who have graced the planet earth for awhile and left indelible impressions on our souls will forever be . I tend to believe we don't die, but move in and out of the physical. It is just hard on us when we get attached to someone who touches our souls...how to explain what I feel....I want them here. Where I am. It just makes the world a healthier, more comforting place to have them here, with a beating heart. But it still helps me to talk to them...and maybe they like that I talk to them.


I found this picture of Heath and thought it fits

At the heathledgerplanet.com forum there is a thread of Heath quotes started by Dynasty of Dublin, Ireland

Here are some of Heath's quotes:

I guess I’d like to think I’m indescribable. Particularly to myself. I don’t ever really want to settle on one way…um I guess I would describe myself as just, you know, like everyone else. I like to think that everyone really…we’re all built, cut from the same cloth. And I do feel connected to life. Torgen interview '06-

I always like to try and bare my soul a little bit.

Miscellaneous Brokeback Mountain quotes:

I always like to try and bare my soul a little bit.. I think it’s umm.. it’s therapeutic. (laughter)

We had to choreograph, it was definitely like walking on the moon for the first time. But it wasn't... the butt of a mule: I was kissing a human being with a soul. And part of the magic of acting is, you harness the infinite power of belief.

I hope it sticks to them. I hope it gets them thinking. I hope it presents more questions than answers.

I don't really like conventional love stories. Can you tell?

I still find it personally disappointing that people kind of go out of their way to voice their disgust or their opinions against the ways in which two people choose to love one another. I think that's really unfortunate.


Other miscellaneous quotes

I don't have a technique. I've never been a believer in having one set technique on how to act. There are no rules and there is no rulebook. At the end of the day, it all comes down to my instincts. That's the one thing that guides me through every decision professionally. Socially, also. That's my technique. Yeah, you read through the script 100 times. I guess I have little characteristics about myself. Sometimes, most often than not, once we start shooting I won't look at the script at all until we finished shooting. It's kind of like it's been imprinted in my head during rehearsals. You just let it go.

On his brat behavior: I can admit it's a little out of line to pull the finger out and I'm trying not to do that any more. I'm trying to bite my finger these days.

On being nominated for an Oscar for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: "It's funny when you have a beautiful new child and your life takes on such a different meaning. Those sort of things don't matter so much.

I love the vibrant cities and the enthusiasm Americans have.....for America. I like to hang out in Manhattan where it's an easy walk to great theatre, cinema, or a Starbuck's Coffee House. I could easily make this my base.

I don't celebrate love and friendship by giving stuff to people. That's why I don't believe in marriage. I don't believe you should have to prove your love by giving someone a gold ring with a diamond on it.

I'm still a six-year-old kid and I always will be.

I was ok with it (My Parents being divorced), because it made me realize that my parents were human.

Maybe I'm not too typical, or maybe I'm just a daft. I don’t know- I tend to analyze things a lot. I think too much.

It's weird, you know? You don’t wake up every morning and think 'Okay, I'm hot.' That doesn’t concern me.

I didn’t want to do more teen flicks because its so easy to get trapped there. I think Australians have this independent streak. I want to always have the control to say no when I don’t think something is right for me. I want to be able to walk away.

On how he found his second home on stage as a kid: "I just loved it and kept doing it. I blinked and I was getting paid. Doors kept opening and I kept walking through them.

No amount of money changes what I do between 'action' and 'cut.'

I'm a home bug. When I get home from a shoot, the number one thing I want to do is sit in the house, do my laundry, do dishes, cook -- do all that [stuff] that you just usually don't do.

I'm shy. People get confused. They think, as an actor you can get up and be confident on the screen. ‘Why aren't you like this in normal life? Why can't you act in your social life?' Because I can't!

I always have bed head. I don't do anything with my hair. I don't know what to do with it.

Honesty always gets my attention. Not particularly someone who is honest to me, but someone who is honest with themselves. That is a quality I really enjoy, admire and love.

On being romantic: "I love sitting around holding hands. Just spending time with someone, doing nothing, can be romantic.

When anything is blocking my head or there's worry in my life, I just go sit on Mars or something and look back here at Earth. All you can see is this tiny speck. You don't see the fear. You don't see the pain. You don't see thought. It's just one solid speck. Then nothing really matters. It just doesn't.

All of this is so insignificant. In the grand scale of things, there have been so many before who have been in this position. I'm just another one. Life is so short. It's like we're already gone, really, in retrospect.

It's like anything in life, visualizing the old man you're going to become: As long as you have a clear picture of that — the life you want to lead — eventually you'll probably get there.

Offered by Kerenb on the thread - Heath's acceptance speech at the Santa Barbara film festival:

I guess I'd like to take the shine away from myself for a minute and acknowledge the directors who have helped and continue to help me understand what it means to be an actor: Gregor Jordan, Brian Helgeland, Shekhar Kapur, Terry Gilliam, Catherine Hardwicke, Ang Lee, Lasse Hallstrom and Neil Armfield. I trully feel that frankly I should be honoring them tonight. I'm greatful that these directors have given me the opportunity to discover that to be an actor has nothing to do with the way you live your life and the choices you make while living, but rather the way you live and the choices you make in between "action" and "cut". And these directors gave me the opportunity to be bad, to make mistakes, and to study and learn from my mistakes. Fortunately or unfortunately I was never exposed to the safe environment of an acting school and a black pair of pyjamas, and I didn't have a black room to experiment in, to privately dance within. My dance is on film. And these directors trusted me and offered me their film set and their friendship as the safe environment for me to study and make discoveries on. So I apologize for the bad discoveries made along the way, but I do stand by the theory that in order to evolve and further yourself as an actor, you have to be fearless enough to allow yourself room for error. Sometimes you must scream out loud in order to discover a whisper. So I thank all these beautiful minds and the wonderful crews around them over the past years for putting up with my screams, and I thank everyone for their patience in waiting for me to find the whisper within the words. And here's to making more mistakes.

Candy - Tribute to Heath
By mimccd of Portugal


Thank You
By mimccd of Portugal
Obrigado! Thank you, Carla

Click the post's title for a special tribute to Heath from Johanna - jopicca

My favorite interview with Heath took place December 3, 2007
It's the radio interview Beyond the Subtitles with Stephen Schaefer. Below, I put the links to all three parts of the interview uploaded by http://www.youtube.com/user/springrose147

I posted my transcriptions at my blog post:

Beyond the Subtitles - PART 1
Beyond the Subtitles - PART 2
Beyond the Subtitles - PART 3



Raw Places
Where I feel the most- Where I live most of the time

My dad died May 10, 2007. I wrote about the day
Though My Dad Died He Lives On
More about my dad
I Sang for My Father Precious Memories
Because of My Dad Know I Have Known What Love Feels Like


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Quarter Final
Rafael Nadal versus Andy Murray
Time of Match on Rod Laver
Tuesday, January 26, 7:30 p.m in Melbourne
which is . . .
Tuesday, January 26, 3:30 a.m.in USA EST

Melbourne time is on the right in my sidebar

Time Converter

Rafa after Australia Open 2010 Round of 16 defeating Karlovic

Rafa ESPN interview
Uploaded by meriko100

47 Pictures of Rafael Nadal of Spain celebrates winning a point in his fourth round match against Ivo Karlovic of Croatia during day seven of the 2010 Australian Open at Melbourne Park on January 24, 2010 in Melbourne, Australia.
Rafa, Lust - uploader's title, not mine : )


Rafa, Love Letter

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Heath. . .
You know one of the sweetest things I noticed about Heath and when he had a woman companion was that he loved to hold their hands. I just loved that.

The Four Feathers' Director, Shekhar Kapur

On January 22, Friday, I went to Shekhar Kapur's blog to see if he had posted anything this year about Heath. And at the time I was there, he hadn't yet, so I put my comment at last year's anniversary date of Heath's passing:

Two years ago this date we lost you to immortality. The hurt is no less today.

Tonight, I thought I would check back at his blog - at 3:55 a.m. - I know it's late, but I just did something that was...well, a difficult for me...I played keyboard and sang in front of a full house...only two songs, but still, it is probably the one thing in my life I have put off doing until very late in my life, because it frightens me so much, but I want to do it. I just get stage fright when singing. Most everyone else had other people on stage with them. That would have been so much easier than going solo. But yesterday and today, I tried to give myself focus with little thoughts to get me where I needed to be. Trying to have fun, even if I couldn't be perfect - was one of the many thoughts I wrote down on an index card.

And I thought of my Spirit Guide....I'll just leave that at that for now. And I thought of my dad and Heath. My dad and Heath are in their spirit states and hopefully have met each other there. My dad liked to hear me sing. That is what I did on the phone many miles away from him and when I finished singing the song, he took his last breath. My voice was the last thing he heard and I was singing one of his favorite hymns to him. I have written about this before in a few posts.

I couldn't mourn Heath on his two year anniversary too much, because I had this creative thing to focus on. And probably Heath would be okay with me opting to do a creative thing as opposed to sitting around moping. So I lit candles last night for me to get support in my efforts to sing, for Dad to listen tonight to me singing, for Heath, for my son and for the Darfuris.

Well, anyway, Shekhar did have this post up when I checked tonight. Here it is:

Heath Ledger, have two years passed?

January 22, 2010, 6:47 p.m.

It's 5.20 am and am struggling to sleep in my hotel room in San Hose. Jet lag ? No, something else is nagging me - and then it comes like a bolt, a sudden sharp, almost physical feeling of sadness. It Heath's 2nd Anniversary of his passing.

For those that know this blog, will know of my special relationship with Heath. Well, that survives time. Even through the sadness and heavy heart I sense him laughing and smiling almost looking down and saying "Get on with it, Mate !"

Lots of other things come to mind. What do two years mean ? What does passing of time mean ? How little or more have I achieved in the last two years. How productive have I been - and all this on context of Heath's passing as if time stopped there and started again ? Is what you have done, or what has happened, or the events that have taken place since the only measure of time ? Or is there something far more eternal about time ?

Tonight I am going to LA and having dinner with Orando Bloom. The last time we met was in Heath's friend's pad in Melbourne, where Heath was proudly showing a rough cut of Four Feathers to all his friends. So proud was he of his performance in a film that actually did very little at the box office.

So I am just going to look up at Heath's smiling face and say "Hey, Mate ! We are still down here trying undersatnd it all" Trying to imitate his broad Australian drawl.

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Click on the post's title to read another blog post of Shekhar's about Heath

Some of my other thoughts written down to focus for my performance:

Replace worrying about what might go wrong with thoughts:
Let it happen. Accept that it's a in-the-moment-thing. Can't control it. Muscle memory will kick in. Let the music in and and it will come out. Peace came with all this in last weekend's performance.

Why be afraid of them? They only want what you know is inside you, what you have to give. Your destiny is to be who you are. Not to withhold it..right? If not the "whole" - just a glimpse of it. Music - let it guide you; let the music use you; listen to each note, rhythm. You're going to make mistakes anyway, so make them while relaxed and having fun and breathing. SURRENDER. Relax, Spirit is with you. Help me with my destiny. If this is my calling, help me relax, have peace in the doing, in the being. Help me relax in the music.

And on the other side of the index card it this:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you, not to be? You are a child of the Universe. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest that which is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Mostly by Marianne Williamson in Return to Love - I changed a little of the wording to better suit my beliefs

I found all the pictures at Photo Bucket

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