SO LONG PAUL NEWMAN

Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward graced the space I was in

Melissa talks about her dad - Paul Newman

I heard today that Paul's daughter said that her father said "It was a privilege to be here"

Having migrated from my home state of Indiana, in 1972 to New England, after a year in Sturbridge, Massachusetts and one summer in Westerly, Rhode Island, I moved to Portsmouth, Rhode Island in Newport County.

I don't remember the year. It was a long time ago. Somehow developing a love for dance from an upbringing that considered dance a sin, I was attending Newport's Rogers High School auditorium for a summer dance program. Standing in the "lobby" which was more like a large hallway, I noticed Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward walking by me. Just walking by me. They were headed into the auditorium. Joanne Woodward was there to support dance.

It was a memorable moment. I was born on the edge of a small unremarkable Indiana town of Huntington in my parent's bedroom. And moved to this beautiful seaside area of Rhode Island. And there Paul Newman was. It was sort of special. And he merely walked by me. But it was special. I haven't seen much of Paul_Newman's movies or Joanne Woodward's either. But I will now. I'll search them out.

Paul Newman and Me: A Hole in the Wall kid remembers

TMZ ~ Legendary Actor Paul Newman dies at 83
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Uploaded by icebergfor
Mr. and Mrs. Bridges
I did see Mr. and Mrs. Bridges. Even though I got a late start with movies (because they were forbidden in my upbringing also), I see a lot of movies. But not many stay with me. This one always did.
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Uploaded by Cammie37 Posted January 18, 2008
Text by poster: This is a tribute to one of the longest lasting marriages in Hollywood. Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman met in 1952 and married on January 29th 1958. Today, they remain as in love with each other as they were fifty years ago. Clips include footage from films they made together; The Long, Hot Summer, Rally 'Round the Flag, Boys!, From The Terrace, Paris Blues, A New Kind of Love, Winning, WUSA and Mr and Mrs Bridge. To the Theme of Anastasia "At the Beginning".


A Tribute to Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward
By elvisobsessor
Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were married from 1958 until his death Friday night, September 26, 2008.

Part 1 of documentary on Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward
Part 2 of documentary on Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward
Part 3 of documentary on Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward
By Cammie37

Paul Newman on Charlie Rose ~ May 26, 1994
Paul Newman, Ellen Burstyn, Arthur Penn, Norman Mailer, James Lipton & Frank Corsaro
By CharlieRose

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Iconoclasts Robert Redford and Paul Newman
Uploaded by sundancechannel

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From a documentary on "The Long, Hot Summer"
Uploaded by eviegarland


Paul Newman in campaign ad for Ned Lamont who is Young, fresh and spunky
Lamont was running against Joe Lieberman for Senate in 2006
By goronezgo

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Man of the Week on ABC News ~ November 3rd, 1989
Uploaded by backfile

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Newman's Own - In the Business to Donate - Future Uncertain

Film actor, humanitarian was a Renaissance man

If we can say that LIFE has been better because we lived then that is enough

Thanks Paul

BECAUSE OF MY DAD I KNOW I HAVE KNOWN WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE ~ DAD'S MY ANGEL

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The Last Rose of Summer

Tis the last rose of summer,
Left blooming alone,
All her lovely companions
Are faded and gone.
No flower of her kindred,
No rose bud is nigh,
To reflect back her blushes,
Or give sigh for sigh.

I'll not leave thee, thou lone one,
To pine on the stem.
Since the lovely are sleeping,
Go sleep thou with them.
'Thus kindly I scatter thy leaves o'er the bed
Where thy mates of the garden
Lie scentless and dead.

So soon may I follow
When friendships decay,
And from love's shining circle
The gems drop away!
When true hearts lie withered
And fond ones are flown
Oh! who would inhabit
This bleak world alone?

This is the note I sent recently to the nurse who was with my father when I talked to him on the telephone when he moved from mortal life to immortal life…

I cried today. I have my regret that I wasn’t there in body to be with Dad and watch him take his last breath, to hold his hand. But you were. I am grateful for you. Thank you.

I didn’t know how my note would be received because my family is broken and people knew it where dad lived his last year of his life in an institution. They didn’t know the weird inside story, but we had to appear in ways to draw judgments. I was never told by my mother that dad was near death and she knew he was. So I was in Rhode Island the day he died. I sent my note to Marcia anyway because I am sincerely grateful for what she did for me and for my father. I really only knew Marcia from a couple exchanges. So I took a chance that she would receive me in the spirit that I sent my sentiments.

Today, I received a reply from my note that I sent to Marcia ~ who sat with my father in Indiana, May 10, 2007 the morning he died. I have been so moved. It has helped me grieve, finally, for losing my father.

This is the note sent to me.

Dear Sandra,

I felt privileged and honored to act in your behalf at your Father’s Death.

I admire your courage and strength born of the great faith that you shared with your Father.

I think back at that unforgettable moment in time when Mark took his final breath precisely at the final word of your song. I was in awe at the peace and stillness in his presence.

I have no doubt that Mark was very proud of you ~ and had great love for you ~

Sandra ~ thank you for sharing those final ~ precious moments with me ~ PEACE

The song that I sang to him was “The Old Rugged Cross”.

Today, I don’t feel like sharing my deep feelings or talk more of the story. I did write about it complete with pictures at posts
Though My Dad Died He Lives On
and
I Sang for My Father ~ Precious Memories

From my childhood through today, I love the old hymns we sang as I was growing up. And Dad and I shared this love together.

This is in honor of my beloved Father:
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I Surrender All

Thank you, Dad.


Mahalia Jackson ~ Just A Closer Walk With Thee

LIVING MY LIFE

When you have lived you have experiences that you treasure.

Maui, Hawaii

I am so happy because I have lived my own life and not some one else’s idea of what I should have lived. I look back now and just glow. It’s been a fantastic life. So far. And I expect it to even be better, now. Because I really know myself like I have never before. And I have accepted all of me. It’s been so much fun. And well, pain has been a major part of it too, but it’s the fun that I now remember. How cool is that!

Murano, Italia

I tried to be perfect my whole life. I finally am at a place in my life that I am so excited everyday. My mother doesn’t approve of me. She never has. But here’s the relatively new thing: I don’t care any more. She doesn’t hold control over me and my happiness anymore.

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God Bless the Child

Sung by Blood, Sweat & Tears

There’s a play called “Whose Life Is It Anyway?” And that is a valid question for all adult children who grow up with a manipulative, over-reaching and controlling mother.

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Kaui, Hawaii

Friend, don’t be a perfectionist.

Perfectionism is a curse and a strain.

For you tremble lest you miss the bull’s-eye.

You are perfect if you let be.

Friend, don’t be afraid of mistakes.

Mistakes are not sins.

Mistakes are ways of doing something different,

Perhaps creatively new.

Friend, don’t be sorry for your mistakes.

Be proud of them.

Newport, Rhode Island

You had the courage to give something of yourself.

It takes years to be centered; it takes more years

to understand and to be now.

Newport, Rhode Island

Until then, beware of both extremes,

perfectionism as well as instant cure, instant joy, instant sensory awareness.

Until then, beware of any helpers.

Helpers are con-men who promise something for nothing.

They spoil you and keep you dependent and immature.

Frederick S. Perls

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Portsmouth, Rhode Island

For me being a female, my mother made it clear that I was to be subordinate to a man in my life.

Boston, Massachusetts below

In the course of my life, I didn’t follow my mother’s map for my life. I not only have no regrets that I followed my own unique path through life, I am thrilled that I didn’t follow my mother’s imposing life agenda. I have so much to say, I plan to tackle my introspection and perspective with a long-range writing project, so this is just a blog entry in the nature of my plans to come.

My mother has turned into some unrecognizable ugly person. She repeatedly broadcasts to her children as well as others that she wishes that she never had her children (3 of us) or got married. She behaves with lots of bitterness, lack of integrity, truth and hatred. It got worse over the last few years, but it was there

twenty years ago, which I didn’t see then. I believe women who don’t live their lives, but live someone else’s idea of how they should live out their lives can’t be any other way than what my mother has personified. I am sorry for her. I am sad for her. But I receive her behavior that is the manifestation of her self-hatred that she has fostered over the years. And that is no fun. It is in truth thoroughly confusing and feels bad. I don’t know why exactly I have been the one of her three children to dump most of her hatred on. But it is now undeniable that the fact is I am the recipient. She of course denies that she treats me differently. But it is so blatant that it is unavoidable for me to keep her up on some level where a mother would naturally belong. I accept her for who she is. Because she chooses to live in denial doesn’t mean I have to. And I don’t. Now.

I always wanted to be close to … well, people in my life. My mother, my dad, my sister, my brother. The man in my life. I tried. And I tried. It just never came to pass. In any way. And when my mother denied my access to my dad over the last few years, I was able to see her for who she really is. A very controlling and ugly human being. This was my mother. But I had to accept the truth even though it meant I had to see my mother in this way. If I denied the truth about my mother then my life could not be lived in truth. And I had decided that I would live my life fully in truth. So the choice was clear, truth or my mother. I had to choose truth. I let go of my hope to have my mother be my mom. She is of course the woman who is my mother. She gave me birth. She imposed a belief system on me to the point of emotional and spiritual suffocation. However, somehow I found my life anyway. She is 82 this September. Most of my life I thought my mother was the mom that she presented to me. Then the cracks in her armor began to become visible. The pretending started to break down in her behavior and ugly words to me. How could a mother who loved me be so hateful in her words to me, I wondered. She says she loves me. She acts like she hates me. I know in the end that she never loved herself. But that is not my fault. And there is only so much understanding that you can give to someone for their bad behavior before it demeans your soul and steals life from your spirit. I had to stop trying to make her be what she wanted me to believe she is. I had to see her for who she showed me she is.

This is a painful thing. But it is more painful to live out my life by virtually giving my life up for her narcissism. That is not love either way.

I can’t be her happiness no matter what she says. It took me so long to get this. It took my dad’s health problems for her to break her pretentious behaviors and in the end free me to own my life wholly. Unapologetically. I’m not the “black sheep” of the family that has been my designated role my whole adult life.

Firenze, Italia

I love who I am. I love who I have become more fully. I love my life. I love the life that I lived. I look back on my life and I am so happy that I did what I did. Loved who I loved. Worked so hard at understanding me. I love my own company. The loneliest I ever was – was in a relationship that wasn’t working. Although I am living without a man in my life, I have no lonely moments. None. I have lived my life. I never waited for someone else to be my happiness or waited to do something until I had a man in my life. I am fully alive and I am grateful for that to the brim of life.

When I was in my twenties, somehow the unconscious belief was that I needed a man to make me whole. That simply is not true. Subtle, but real messages are given to women that a man is a must. Even, now. Even, in the USA. It simply is not true. I have known many men in my life, many chances at relationships. And not one man that I have known, had his life together spiritually or emotionally or philosophically or … on and on. If I have to pretend to be less than I am to have a man in my life, then it simply isn’t worth the trade-off.

I adopted a son when he was eleven years old. I was old enough to be his grand mother. I have never raised a girl, but being a teacher I have had opportunities to make an impact on girls over time. And if there was one thing that I would want girls to know that are growing up and into womanhood, it would be, to trust your own sense of yourself and life. Don’t lean on others advice too much. Sure listen to others’ sides, but in the end develop trust in yourself.

At the house I was born in - Huntington, Indiana

When I was going through a huge, monumental break-up in my early twenties, a dear friend gave me a blank book. That saved me. I wrote my truth. It helped me clarify my feelings. It gave me a way to express myself even when no one could be there all the time that I needed them. I have written over twenty journals. They are precious to me. In 1973, I wrote the following in a journal, Partially Me, IV:

TRUST.

It all comes down to trust.

You got to trust what you’ve got inside –

That it will set you free.

That it will make you !live! and nothing less.

It’s scary

and many times, it’s lonely……

but if you allow yourself to get so far in becoming –

you have no choice,

but to go all the way with it.

Run with it…

And you find moments of unthought-of peace with yourself,

with all time.

You become part of infinity, of all time.

You become part of the true essence of love, giving and receiving.

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Newport, Rhode Island

ee cummings:

to be nobody-but-yourself

in a world

which is doing its best,

night

and

day,

to make you everybody else –

means to fight the hardest battle which

any human being

can fight,

and never stop fighting.

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STOP GENOCIDE

IT'S THE HUMANE THING TO DO

DARFUR FAMILIES DESERVE OUR ATTENTION AND ACTION, NOW

www.genocideintervention.net

www.ajws.org

www.aiusa.org

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I

PLAN TO VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA

IT’S TAKEN A LONG TIME TO BE ME

THIS IS WHERE I AM – THIS IS WHERE I LIVE

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I love my life.

I am so alive.

I walk around my house, feeling so fulfilled and grin. I can’t keep from bursting outloud “I love my life”.

It has not been this way a lot of my life.

I’ve been “here” before. But this time, I’m so fully conscious of it and why.

There were people in my life that kept me from me.

Trying to please them took me away from being pleased with myself, my life.

My mother for one.

I had to find how to think about the mother that has openly judged me as a failure of a Christian, and a success of living a sinful life - my entire adult life. My mother is a bottomless unpleasable pit for me. She’s unhappy with me,

even though I am so thoroughly happy with myself and my life.

Even a mother can be a stumbling block.

And mine was.

Until August 8, 2006.

It is like I found myself born finally.

Finally able to know what I felt about her behavior toward my father. And toward me.

Finally able to face her and not let her twist my insides with her manipulating ways.

Finally able to separate what I believed about myself from what despicable person she said I am.

I found I couldn’t please her and me with the same life, the same me.

So I have gone with the woman that I want to be and am . . . and left her view of me - with her.

I have been happy ever since.

My last relationship with a man:

For fifteen years we lived together.

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We met in Bermuda just after I was leaving an abusive relationship. The kind that involves physical abuse cycled with profuse, seemingly heartfelt apologies and promises to stop.

Getting into relationships is easily mindless. It’s getting out of them that has always been difficult for me. Because making something work -even though it was implausible with open eyes - wasn’t something that I gave up on. And I never was able to think about my own well - being over the hurt that I saw the man in. But this last thing never seemed to bother the man in my last relationship. A hint of one of his tears would melt my heart and keep me from thinking clearly. But I could live in forced silence from him for a week or cry for hours and he would simply walk away. It is much more lonely to live in a relationship like this than to live with a beautiful relationship with myself I experience. I needed to learn the lesson that if something isn't working, it's okay to leave.

Even though, he appeared to not be confining. He certainly was. I was spiritually looking for his soul, but it was never available to me. I don’t think to him, either. I was emotionally starving. Starving to find any moment to feel a connection to him. I was dying inside.

When you are dying before your death is anywhere close, you are in trouble.

I was in trouble.

And now, I am not.

I am so vibrantly alive. I feel full, I feel excited.

When people in your life keep you from who you are – you can’t possibly be happy.

Others don’t bring happiness to your life. You do. But they can block you from your happiness.

I shed that baggage

and

have never felt so good. So completely full of emotion. So colorful.

This is a glorious place to be in my life.

I’m sad that these relationships are broken and missing,

but I give them their lives, as they choose them,

and I have not attached strings to them.

I have no control over them.

I can’t change our barren relationships.

I can’t rescue something that isn’t there - with people who are so fragmented

and living in emotional denial.

I don’t like living in denial. I never did.

I can’t stand pretentious people. Never did.

“The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.

The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.”

Marcus Aurelius

“When someone shows you who they are – believe them.” Maya Angelou

“When someone takes you away from you – walk away.” Sandra Hammel

Life is a spiritual experience for me.

I love my spirit.

I love the Greater Spirit I am part of.

I love all spirits

who are free to love back . . .

. . . who throw their “joy of life” out for all to walk in the glow of . . .

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radiating out all that they are, have become.

This is where I live.

In the radiance of all the good in humankind and all things good,

true and willing to find the life of celebration.

This is where I am.

Life is Music to Me

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Life is Dance to Me

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Life is Drama to Me

Life is Color to Me

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Life loves truth

This is Where I AM . . .

. . . in this glory of Life

Celebrating Life as a Good Thing

and open to abundance.

You are welcome to come sing with me,

to come share the joy and dance with me

You can see the joy, delight and contentment in my eyes.

I invite you to live in what our eyes find in one another’s eyes.

I invite you to make love with our eyes, our hearts,

our unbridled exploratory touching…

…abandon time and caged up emotions

that have kept us prisoners way too long,

once upon a time.

No one can hold me anymore from being me with all the stops pulled full out.

This is where I live my life, now.

Free of my mother’s judgments, free of fear that she won’t approve of me or won’t like me.

This is where I am.

NOW.

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You could be here, too.

But I can’t take you here.

I can only be here.

No more denying who I was born to be.

I stand tall here

in the light

in my truth.

To my mother:

Walking into your presence

still gives my breath halting, choppy breathing,

but

I am strong enough now to keep all of me

in tact

and

leave your presence with a renewed energy and self-awareness

that I am still whole upon leaving you.

You’ve stolen my wholeness in my life, until now.

Today is different

and

I stand alone, but whole.

As sorry as I am that we have no connection,

no relating between us –

I can live “here” now

and be fully alive

with or without you.

To life, I say

Thanks!

And to all who can see me

and not attempt to kill bits of me – thank you!

All in us is open

and all is open to us.

Wow.

I love my life.

It’s true.

It’s genuine.

It’s joyful.

It’s my bliss.

It is Divine.

Life meeting LIFE and complementing the other.

This is living the way I am sure it was meant to be when we were created.

What fun to be alive.

I wish you all this and more.

Be true to your self.

Only you can do this for you.

That’s the beauty in it –

It’s all within your power.

And once you have it

NO one can take it way.

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Genocide Should Be Made History

Join the "Fidelity Out of Sudan" Campaign
www.FidelityOutOfSudan.com

www.sudandivestment.org
www.ajws.org

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