RAW PLACES - WHERE I FEEL THE MOST - WHERE I LIVE MOST OF THE TIME

Every once in awhile I listen and watch this video.
It never fails to bring some balance to the present moment.

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Be As You Are - Frederick Perls
Uploaded by davidtheharper

An excerpt from my current journal:

August 15, 2009
1:46 p.m.

RAW PLACES

I'm one of those
who goes to the raw places,
To no destination on someone else's map,
But a place where I feel the most.
I feel the most me.
Nearer to a time-free place,
It's not a place you can see with your eyes,
Yet my eyes show when I'm there.
But only to those who can read eyes.

Raw places, where the hurt is always fresh,
pain is ageless.
Raw places where the moments of wholeness
are as alive as the moment it showed up.

Raw places where being real is not only okay,
but welcome.

You can't come to the raw places,
if you don't show up real.

I only want to be with those
who come to their raw place.

Otherwise, you might as well be dead,
You're just living dead anyway.

Why live dead
when you can live alive?

You can show up whole there and not fear rejection.

You can bring everything and feel free to open it up.
You can feel,
hold it,
be comforted with it.
You can let it unfold,
you can let it envelop you.
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The raw place is the altar of your soul.
It's where I go
when I need to feel alive.
It's where I live most of the time.
It's where I want to be
because it's where I feel real.

It's where the universe integrates with my spirit,
my soul.
It's where I find refuge in myself.

All those who try so hard
to never go to their raw place,
live with a soul that's always hungry,
starving 'til mortal death moves them through.

Those who want to go there
but don't know the way,
find people like me
and get their soul nourished
by living off my willingness to live raw.

I am pulled toward other souls
who want to be fearless,
who are willing to open up to all that is.

Sandra Hammel

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"Just You and I"

Sung by Melissa Manchester

Lyrics

When your heroes go up in a puff,
There's not enough to hang on to
And the ones you would count on to call
They all fall down all around you

Then you've got to believe there's more
It is the reason, we're put here for
There's just you and I

When the legends over

And we have just begun

We can look to each other

To see us through

Just you and I

When a miracle's long overdue
And there's no one who's gonna come to guide you
So you keep looking up to the sky - wondering why
The clouds won't hide you

At the times when you're most afraid
That is the reason why dreams are made
There’s just you and I

When legends all over

And we have just begun

We can look to each other

To see us through

Just you and I.

At the times when you’re most afraid

That is the reason dreams are made

There’s just you and I

When the legends over

And we have just begun
We can look to each other

To see us through

Just you and I

Just you and I

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"Friend, don't be a perfectionist. Perfectionism is a curse and a strain. For you tremble lest you miss the bulls-eye. You are perfect if you let be. Friend don't be afraid of mistakes. Mistakes are not sins. Mistakes are ways of doing something different, perhaps creatively new. Friend don't be sorry for your mistakes. be glad for them. You had the courage to give something of yourself. It takes years to be centered; it takes more years to understand and be now."
Frederick Perls

Youtube video above, inserted in Raw Places is uploaded by ilovemylifesblog
I wanted to put a portion of the video below in it, but my MAC and imovie wasn't cooperating. So this is the best I could do. I also wanted to put Heath Ledger in it, but it just didn't work out with the length of the song, as well as not blending well with the other two actors that I did use. Well, he would have blended for my way of thinking, but others probably would have been confused.

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Mrs. Carrie Watts gets to finally go back home for a visit.
"The Trip to Bountiful"
Part 9 of 11 Geraldine Page Oscar Performance
Uploaded by tlcarpenter

If you click on this post's title
it will take you to my youtube
of my favorite scene in "The Trip to Bountiful"

Each of us really just wants to be "home". "Home" can mean many things. This is dedicated to my dad - who just wanted to live at home in his last year and a half of life, but he didn't.

I'll love you to the end, Dad.

I SAY MAKE A SPLASH

Love and Drama. Exaltation.

I love music.

When you are young, young enough to feel love, don't miss the joy. It is just too luscious to miss. When you become older in life, it is such a source of gratitude and elation to have lived life, loved life, dared to be different if that is who you are and to have loved. How exciting!

Don't
play it safe
or do what you're expected to do
or ignore your own heart.
When anyone tells you that you can't do something, ask yourself why he or she would have a reason to tell you what you can or can't do. Trust yourself first.

"Friend, don't be a perfectionist. Perfectionism is a curse and a strain. For you tremble lest you miss the bulls-eye. You are perfect if you let be. Friend don't be afraid of mistakes. Mistakes are not sins. Mistakes are ways of doing something different, perhaps creatively new. Friend don't be sorry for your mistakes. be glad for them. You had the courage to give something of yourself. It takes years to be centered; it takes more years to understand and be NOW."
Frederick Perls

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Be as you are

By davidtheharper from Sweden

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If You Go Away
This is sung by a Youtube poster, Rudy, jazzdjoe from Singapore who writes: This is my humble rendition of a wonderful song of Brel. English lyrics are by Rod Mc Kuen. I added the Malay lyrics at the end. Enjoy.

If you go away
On this summer's day
Then you might as well
Take the sun away
All the birds that flew
In the summer sky
When our love was new
And our hearts were high
And the day was young
And the nights were long
And the moon stood still
For the night bird's song

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

But if you stay
I'll make you a day
Like no day has been
Or will be again
We'll sail on the sun
We'll ride on the rain
And talk to the trees
And worship the wind

But if you go
I'll understand
Leave me just enough love
To fill up my hand

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
As I know you will
You must tell the world
To stop turning
'til you return again
If you ever do
For what good is love
Without loving you?
Can I tell you now
As you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly
'til the next hello

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

But if you stay
I'll make you a night
Like no night has been
Or will be again
I'll sail on your smile
I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes
That I love so much

But if you go
I won't cry
Though the good is gone
From the word goodbye

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
As I know you must
There is be nothing left
In this world to trust
Just an empty room
Full of empty space
Like the empty look
I see on your face
And I'd been the shadow
Of your shadow
If you might have kept me
By your side

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
If you go away...

LIFE IS FOR LIVING OUT LOUD - OTHERWISE WHY BE ALIVE?

What I love about life is

the way I feel about the things I love. There isn't much that I do that I don't feel passionate about. I love the feeling that comes from doing, enjoying, observing things that bring me joy. And it is almost always something to do with the arts, creating or some core humanity value.

Even though I feel nervous to do things, I never act like a coward. I am one of the bravest persons I know. I continually do things outside my zone of feeling comfortable. I get scared, but I do "it" anyway.

I am scared to my wits end with something I am doing right now. And it all will be over next week at this time. It will be such a relief when it doesn't require my constant care and consideration. I am the organizer for the state of Rhode Island's first ever statewide Darfur event. It is a part of the Dream for Darfur event. www.dreamfordarfur.org

We activists do this for no money. It actually costs us money. We do it because we believe it is the right thing to do. And it isn't easy to do.

I just hope it doesn't rain.

Today we had our final rehearsal of a small group who formed a RI Darfur Ensemble just for this event. And we sound fabulous. There are only eight of us and today was the only rehearsal we have had with everyone present.

I love it when the things I have taken a chance to do and risk my feelings of neutrality and same-old-same-old behavior - show me that being courageous has its own rewards.

I hope it goes well.

I thought of this quote that I love:

"Friend, don't be a perfectionist. Perfectionism is a curse and a strain. For you tremble lest you miss the bulls-eye. You are perfect if you let be. Friend don't be afraid of mistakes. Mistakes are not sins. Mistakes are ways of doing something different, perhaps creatively new. Friend don't be sorry for your mistakes. Be glad for them. You had the courage to give something of yourself. It takes years to be centered; it takes more years to understand and be NOW."

Frederick Perls

Sandra’s Opening Speech for October 27, 2007

Providence Torch Relay

The Torch Relay History and Why It is Relevant to today’s event

While I have been thinking about this day, I remembered when my father invited an Olympic track star to speak at our high school’s annual athletic banquet. I grew up in Indiana and my father was a high school teacher and coach. This track star was the son of a sharecropper and the grandson of a slave. He also was the first American in the history of Olympic Track and Field to win four gold medals in a single Olympics. The story of Jesse Owens is relevant to today’s Torch Relay event. The year that Mr. Owens became world famous was in 1936 at the Berlin Olympics, that are also known as the Hitler Olympics. It is worth noting that on March 22, 1933, the first extermination camp was opened in Dachau, Germany and began its ugly business of committing crimes against humanity that later was called – genocide. So at the same time that the death camps were operating, people and Hitler were sitting in the stands watching the Olympian athletes in Berlin compete. The Olympic Torch Relay as we know it today was actually introduced at the very Olympic games in Berlin in 1936.

Today, the Official Website of the Beijing Torch Relay states “The Olympic Flame is the highest symbol of the Olympic spirit. The Olympic Torch Relay is a celebration of human peace and friendship. Under the guidance of International Olympic Committte, Beijing is working closely with the relay cities around the world, widely promoting the theme of ‘One World, One Dream,’ upholding the torch relay concept that is ‘a journey of harmony’ to make the Beijing Olympic Torch Relay a complete success.”

I dare to say - that complete success is not possible if the “journey of harmony” is soiled by the lack of promoting the theme “One World, One Dream” in Darfur by way of China’s influence with Omar al-Bashir.

While the Olympics’ host country has the world’s eyes on it, we ask the 2008 Olympic theme to not exclude the Darfuri people. While it sits on the UN Security Council, China supports the Sudanese government…the government who has been coordinating the genocide in Darfur with the janjaweed for over four and half years. And China sells the weapons to the Sudanese government that are used for the Darfur genocide. Darfur is a part of the world and needs the Olympic dream desperately.

Like the irony of the Berlin games in 1936, the 2008 Beijing games will have its own irony if China ignores its role in the Darfur genocide.

We ask China to bring the Olympic Dream to Darfur.

LIVING MY LIFE

When you have lived you have experiences that you treasure.

Maui, Hawaii

I am so happy because I have lived my own life and not some one else’s idea of what I should have lived. I look back now and just glow. It’s been a fantastic life. So far. And I expect it to even be better, now. Because I really know myself like I have never before. And I have accepted all of me. It’s been so much fun. And well, pain has been a major part of it too, but it’s the fun that I now remember. How cool is that!

Murano, Italia

I tried to be perfect my whole life. I finally am at a place in my life that I am so excited everyday. My mother doesn’t approve of me. She never has. But here’s the relatively new thing: I don’t care any more. She doesn’t hold control over me and my happiness anymore.

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God Bless the Child

Sung by Blood, Sweat & Tears

There’s a play called “Whose Life Is It Anyway?” And that is a valid question for all adult children who grow up with a manipulative, over-reaching and controlling mother.

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Kaui, Hawaii

Friend, don’t be a perfectionist.

Perfectionism is a curse and a strain.

For you tremble lest you miss the bull’s-eye.

You are perfect if you let be.

Friend, don’t be afraid of mistakes.

Mistakes are not sins.

Mistakes are ways of doing something different,

Perhaps creatively new.

Friend, don’t be sorry for your mistakes.

Be proud of them.

Newport, Rhode Island

You had the courage to give something of yourself.

It takes years to be centered; it takes more years

to understand and to be now.

Newport, Rhode Island

Until then, beware of both extremes,

perfectionism as well as instant cure, instant joy, instant sensory awareness.

Until then, beware of any helpers.

Helpers are con-men who promise something for nothing.

They spoil you and keep you dependent and immature.

Frederick S. Perls

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Portsmouth, Rhode Island

For me being a female, my mother made it clear that I was to be subordinate to a man in my life.

Boston, Massachusetts below

In the course of my life, I didn’t follow my mother’s map for my life. I not only have no regrets that I followed my own unique path through life, I am thrilled that I didn’t follow my mother’s imposing life agenda. I have so much to say, I plan to tackle my introspection and perspective with a long-range writing project, so this is just a blog entry in the nature of my plans to come.

My mother has turned into some unrecognizable ugly person. She repeatedly broadcasts to her children as well as others that she wishes that she never had her children (3 of us) or got married. She behaves with lots of bitterness, lack of integrity, truth and hatred. It got worse over the last few years, but it was there

twenty years ago, which I didn’t see then. I believe women who don’t live their lives, but live someone else’s idea of how they should live out their lives can’t be any other way than what my mother has personified. I am sorry for her. I am sad for her. But I receive her behavior that is the manifestation of her self-hatred that she has fostered over the years. And that is no fun. It is in truth thoroughly confusing and feels bad. I don’t know why exactly I have been the one of her three children to dump most of her hatred on. But it is now undeniable that the fact is I am the recipient. She of course denies that she treats me differently. But it is so blatant that it is unavoidable for me to keep her up on some level where a mother would naturally belong. I accept her for who she is. Because she chooses to live in denial doesn’t mean I have to. And I don’t. Now.

I always wanted to be close to … well, people in my life. My mother, my dad, my sister, my brother. The man in my life. I tried. And I tried. It just never came to pass. In any way. And when my mother denied my access to my dad over the last few years, I was able to see her for who she really is. A very controlling and ugly human being. This was my mother. But I had to accept the truth even though it meant I had to see my mother in this way. If I denied the truth about my mother then my life could not be lived in truth. And I had decided that I would live my life fully in truth. So the choice was clear, truth or my mother. I had to choose truth. I let go of my hope to have my mother be my mom. She is of course the woman who is my mother. She gave me birth. She imposed a belief system on me to the point of emotional and spiritual suffocation. However, somehow I found my life anyway. She is 82 this September. Most of my life I thought my mother was the mom that she presented to me. Then the cracks in her armor began to become visible. The pretending started to break down in her behavior and ugly words to me. How could a mother who loved me be so hateful in her words to me, I wondered. She says she loves me. She acts like she hates me. I know in the end that she never loved herself. But that is not my fault. And there is only so much understanding that you can give to someone for their bad behavior before it demeans your soul and steals life from your spirit. I had to stop trying to make her be what she wanted me to believe she is. I had to see her for who she showed me she is.

This is a painful thing. But it is more painful to live out my life by virtually giving my life up for her narcissism. That is not love either way.

I can’t be her happiness no matter what she says. It took me so long to get this. It took my dad’s health problems for her to break her pretentious behaviors and in the end free me to own my life wholly. Unapologetically. I’m not the “black sheep” of the family that has been my designated role my whole adult life.

Firenze, Italia

I love who I am. I love who I have become more fully. I love my life. I love the life that I lived. I look back on my life and I am so happy that I did what I did. Loved who I loved. Worked so hard at understanding me. I love my own company. The loneliest I ever was – was in a relationship that wasn’t working. Although I am living without a man in my life, I have no lonely moments. None. I have lived my life. I never waited for someone else to be my happiness or waited to do something until I had a man in my life. I am fully alive and I am grateful for that to the brim of life.

When I was in my twenties, somehow the unconscious belief was that I needed a man to make me whole. That simply is not true. Subtle, but real messages are given to women that a man is a must. Even, now. Even, in the USA. It simply is not true. I have known many men in my life, many chances at relationships. And not one man that I have known, had his life together spiritually or emotionally or philosophically or … on and on. If I have to pretend to be less than I am to have a man in my life, then it simply isn’t worth the trade-off.

I adopted a son when he was eleven years old. I was old enough to be his grand mother. I have never raised a girl, but being a teacher I have had opportunities to make an impact on girls over time. And if there was one thing that I would want girls to know that are growing up and into womanhood, it would be, to trust your own sense of yourself and life. Don’t lean on others advice too much. Sure listen to others’ sides, but in the end develop trust in yourself.

At the house I was born in - Huntington, Indiana

When I was going through a huge, monumental break-up in my early twenties, a dear friend gave me a blank book. That saved me. I wrote my truth. It helped me clarify my feelings. It gave me a way to express myself even when no one could be there all the time that I needed them. I have written over twenty journals. They are precious to me. In 1973, I wrote the following in a journal, Partially Me, IV:

TRUST.

It all comes down to trust.

You got to trust what you’ve got inside –

That it will set you free.

That it will make you !live! and nothing less.

It’s scary

and many times, it’s lonely……

but if you allow yourself to get so far in becoming –

you have no choice,

but to go all the way with it.

Run with it…

And you find moments of unthought-of peace with yourself,

with all time.

You become part of infinity, of all time.

You become part of the true essence of love, giving and receiving.

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Newport, Rhode Island

ee cummings:

to be nobody-but-yourself

in a world

which is doing its best,

night

and

day,

to make you everybody else –

means to fight the hardest battle which

any human being

can fight,

and never stop fighting.

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STOP GENOCIDE

IT'S THE HUMANE THING TO DO

DARFUR FAMILIES DESERVE OUR ATTENTION AND ACTION, NOW

www.genocideintervention.net

www.ajws.org

www.aiusa.org

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I

PLAN TO VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA