TWO YEARS AGO WE LOST THE GIFTS OF HEATH LEDGER ON JANUARY 22, 2008

As I get ready to do one of the most frightening things in my life this Saturday, I am doing a lot of thoughtful internal dialogue with myself and I lean heavily on this quote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you, not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williamson in Return to Love

I know Heath Ledger has inspired many - and I am one - to reach for our own destinies. He has unconsciously given many of us the permission to manifest our own gifts. He has done his part to help us liberate our own stymied wishes and dreams and we reach for the stars of our destinies.

Heath Ledger
April 4, 1979 ~ January 22, 2008
Heath's current and final movie:
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

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Be Still My Soul
Uploaded by springrose147

Some are born with a gift to shine a light for the rest of us to touch,
connect to and receive their radiant beauty.
Heath was one.

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Loving tribute by jopicca

January anniversary date of Heath's passing away

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Two of my blog posts about Heath - the second link has the entire interview that jopicca uses in her loving tribute to Heath today :

http://ilovemylifebrothersandsisters.blogspot.com/2009/07/moving-aura-after-death-heath-ledger.html

http://ilovemylifebrothersandsisters.blogspot.com/2009/07/poetry-by-sandra-hammel-beauty-can-be.html

Here, I have transcribed some of Heath's responses from my favorite interview of Heath. I especially connect with Heath’s statement about success:

Cause for me, like, what a success is – is, I mean the only time that I’m alive, and living and expressing and feeling, and, and relating is, is, is when I’m on set and that time between “action” and “cut” and so that’s the only thing that’s really important is how that experience is, and, and how that experience will affect my life and what I have to give from my life to that experience.

Partial transcript included below of Heath’s interview about “He’s Not There” and where he mentions the movie, The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus:

Sometimes , you just, you-you have to kind of throw away the care, like you have to not be too conscious of what will be a success and what won’t be. Uh, cause you really – that’s out of your power. And, and, like I said, look what is success? And um, uh, so I, you know I just, I- I try to look at what I feel like…the, the

Cause for me, like, what a success is – is, I mean the only time that I’m alive, and living and expressing and feeling, and, and relating is, is, is when I’m on set and that time between “action” and “cut” and so that’s the only thing that’s really important is how that experience is, and, and how that experience will affect my life and what I have to give from my life to that experience. And everything that happens after that – is just irrelevant. You know, it’s when I’m on set and that time between “action” and “cut” and so that’s the only thing that’s really important is how that experience is, and, and how that experience will affect my life and what I have to give from my life to that experience. And everything that happens after that – is just irrelevant. You know, it’s kind of um, if it’s a success, great, if it’s not, great, fine. You know, it’s um, it affects you, or it doesn’t. But it’s, that shouldn’t in my, my mind, it shouldn’t kind dictate what your choices. Um, I, I –I just want to enjoy myself. I want to learn more. I want to work with good people. Um, creatively and as people who really just good people.

And duh, uh, so that, that, that drives me more than, then, well you know Terry (Gilliam) had a really hard time on Brothers Grimm and you know, uh for some odd reason is finding it hard to get his next movie up and running. Oh, w-w, that’s too risky, I can’t be involved with that. No, no it’s like he’s one of the most creative, most visionary minds of, of, ever, in film history. I – I – I and a wonderful figure in my life.

Links to the interview that the above quotes were transcribed from:

Part 1 Beyond the Subtitles

Part 2 Beyond the Subtitles

Part 3 Beyond the Subtitles

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Click this post's title to read Heath and his gentle way

To light a candle in Heath's memory

RAFA IN PARIS ~ HEATH IN HEAVEN WHILE STILL LIVING IN OUR HEARTS

Click to enlarge the photo
November 11, 2009
From my back yard
Photo credit should read:
Sandra Hammel, Rhode Island, 2009

Rafa Nadal update below

Heath Ledger

I can't understand it. I don't care that I can't. But there is some strong connection that makes me feel so powerful about Heath Ledger and his leaving us so soon. Sometimes the feeling of mourning takes me over and I have to fight being overwhelmed by sadness. And yet there is something reassuring about this - to know that we have this in us to miss someone so. We are important individually. And Heath proves that. I know this because I am not the only one who feels this way with his death. I think maybe "we" loved him to death. We need to give our heroes room to be themselves. Photographers need to be given some limits so that those we make into stars for our own sakes, can live with more space. I regret that Heath left this earth in emotional pain. Because if we could - those of us who hold him so dearly in our lives - would love him back to life. I know he may be happy where he is, but he is deeply missed by many who saw our own humanity alive in him.

If I can figure out what is wrong with my upload of Ten Things I Hate About You, which happened after I tested the upload at Youtube just below ~ then my next project for fun will be with this movie. I only watched this entire movie last night. Before I only watched bits and thought it was too fluffy. I feel differently now. I love Heath in this one, too, now.

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Apparently, since I made this video "private" at youtube,
you need to go here to be able to view it.
I just learned this today, November 16, 2009,
thanks to a comment from Johanna on another post.
Heath as Patrick Verona
Heath and his toothpick
Uploaded by ilovemylifesblog

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I adore the very beginning of this review of some of Heath's movies
Uploaded by tikaRules


"Our loves are only symbols of an unknown immortality.

Where communion is deep,

there exists no separation at all,

for what needs telling those we love

is understood already,

and what

is supposed to be gone and past

is often more real than ever."

Cedric Wright ~ Words of the Earth


My youtube channel

My video of
Heath Ledger ~ Fever ~ Bobby "Blues" Bland sings


Part one of Oprah with Jake and Heath of Brokeback Mountain
Heath is just so cute...so modest

Part two of Oprah with the Brokeback Mountain principal actors
I love Heath because he was/is so Heath

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Look at Heath look at Michelle ~ continues on Oprah
Part Three
Uploaded by GUNNISONDUDE

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Rafa Update

Paris
Round 3
Rafa won over fellow country tennis player Tommy Robredo today
6-3, 3-6, 7-5

Quarter Final Match is tomorrow, Friday, November 13, 2009
Rafa Nadal vs. Jo-Wilfried
Their match is scheduled as the second match on Court Central
The first match is scheduled to begin Paris local time at 2:00 p.m
which is USA EST at 8:00 a.m.

Draw

Official Site

Tennis/Live/EventWatchMen
Watch it Live for a Fee

You might try these links for free viewing:

www.atdhe.net


www.channelsurfing.net

Always pictures of Rafa at (you have to register)

www.vamosbrigade.com

Babolat-Supported Fan Website for Rafa

A LOVE ONCE NEVER FORGOTTEN

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My plan is to go through my multitude of personal journals written since the early 1970's and also my mountain of other writing and write a book or a series of books. My subplan is to write about my life in categories which will be chapters. Each chapter enough to be a complete book on its own. One on my wrestling with my internal dialogue which was born in my immediate family, one about all the maleness...you know boyfriends, male friends. Other chapters, too. I have been reading some of my journals the last couple of days. And wow. Just wow. Sometimes, what I am reading just hits me in the heart. Sometimes, tears well up in my eyes. I am quite sure I lived many lives before this one. I have always been an "old soul". My writing has always been introspective, deep and full of yearning to arrive whole.

It is just unimaginable how much energy, time and mulling over I did with the "boys". When I revisit the writing that I did on each one, I can tell which ones were buried deep in my experience and which ones I was just trying too hard to make real. The perspective is awesome from the place I am now in.

I was married just once in my life. And it was a mistake. It was in 1972. And six months after the wedding, we started divorce counseling. Or so it turned out. I won't go into the details, now. And the book may never get published. But it for sure feels like the better place to expose my heart.

I have lived in a committed relationship since. It lasted 15 years. That is the last relationship I have had. And we still "relate" if it could possibly be categorized as that. We adopted a son together. We are cordial.

He is African American. I am not. Although, that may open the question as to why I mention it, I will leave it open for now.

My marriage should have never taken place. But I don't regret it anymore. We were young. I had already had my heart broken.

And since then... there has been so much breaking of my heart, that maybe that is why I am so content just the way that I am. Single. I checked out that eHarmony. And I can't possibly put myself there. If I were to meet someone in real life, I would be willing to tenderly go down that road. But assertively pursuing a relationship is not of any interest to me.

Reading my journals just underscores that for me.

One thing I have never been good at is saying "it is over". When it is me that is not feeling fulfilled, then I find it difficult because I can't bear seeing the pain that is in the man's eyes. And many times, I haven't known it is over when it really has been. I think now, that the pain has been so deep and too many times for me to be mindless and senseless in the present.

I found lovely feelings never go away for a love that was bright. The warm and real feelings are alive when reading the words that were created from what was felt so dearly before. In 1977, such a love shone so brightly. It was a mere couple of weeks. And then he was forever gone. But the feelings were radiant. A rare experience. Rare, because often loves have resurfaced. This one never did. He was stationed here for a brief time as a Marine. The only service man I ever...well except for one time in Florence, Italy...but that one doesn't count really. ...ever dated.

This is an excerpt from my personal journal number 7, about this blazing love

Claire

I am saying “Good Bye.”

My tongue has tried to put words on my heart’s singing and I have unveiled a relatively large part of my spirit’s soul to you,
in our brief time.

Your presence
has given
me
more than words
deserve to steal from.

With an inevitable appearance of boldness
I say:
You
are
beautiful
because
I
say
you
are…

You are worthy
and deserving
of being
loved
for my soul
reached out
to yours
and found
itself
loving
you.

Needs
need not know their reason
for being.

My vast need to love –
simply found joy
and fulfillment
in loving you.

If I had
to mark a time
in space
to say
good-bye,
I would never choose
the present.

For –
planting seeds, then
never reaping that “just right” feeling
that lingers for a moment
at a harvest
forbids us
tomorrows
of
mellowness.

Our “today-relationship”
began a season of spring,
but is denied its other seasons.

Will we ever know a relationship, in each of our lives,
for all seasons?

My hopes acknowledge
such dreaming as a possible happening,
And why not?

Well, yes, I’m rambling,
but it serves me well.

The time and space
we have shared,
hopefully, is too unique, too precious,
to have a form.

The Force will always be with you…

“To believe in God is to know that thing you are shall make you live and it will never make you do anything less.

To believe in God is to build a bridge between yourself and everything worth being one with.

To believe in God is to have a somebody who knows you through and through and likes you still and all.

To believe in God is to lay down together our minds to rest a while, while we mind one another’s thinking.

To believe in God is to be one of those kids who just refuses to grow up and get older and older and die forever.

To believe in God is to drink wine, it is to eat bread, not by yourself but by some other magic.

To believe in God is to be able to die and not to be embarrassed.

To believe in God is to know the thing you are shall make you live and it will never make you do anything less.”

Remember and listen to this voice inside you, carefully.

“We cannot live forever outside each other – who still dream of mansions.”

(All the above quotations from Joseph Pintauro’s little book To Believe in God)

“… and what is supposed to be gone and past
is often more real than ever.
Through the sculpture of experience,
that part of ourselves which survives,
resolves continuously.
This is the spirit of my hope
and religion.”
(from Cedric Wright’s Words of the Earth)

This is my “Good Bye”.

“We must learn to celebrate life where we find it.”
(From McMahon and Campbell’s book Please Touch)

“The days of our lives must become precious.
Human life must know ecstasy.
Intense beauty is liberation.
Here again,
as everywhere,
the great river passing –
I passing,
you passing…
…forever flowing down through time,
flowing through many channels,
fading out of the embraces of its names…
…simple as the voice of a child and never to be quite known.
In this light and breeze are resurrection echoes.
Suddenly one becomes aware one lives in an eternity,
and hears strange footsteps ascending anciently trodden pathways.”
(from Cedric Wright’s Words of the Earth)

……..7 pages later in the same journal…

This summer, Claire, I was proven through the delightful discovery of feeling for you, that my heart could give and was ready, was willing to risk again. For this – your heart is treasured by my heart and my love of you, I know, is immortal.

Cherish the thought.

Be my harbour

Habour: A place of security and comfort, a refuge. To shelter. To give a refuge to. To indulge, to cherish a thought or feeling.

I Believe In You

"Oz never gave nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t already have.” from the Wizard of Oz

We met July 9, 1977 and he left July 23, 1977
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If You Go Away

If you go away
On this summer's day
Then you might as well
Take the sun away
All the birds that flew
In the summer sky
When our love was new
And our hearts were high
And the day was young
And the nights were long
And the moon stood still
For the night bird's song

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

But if you stay
I'll make you a day
Like no day has been
Or will be again
We'll sail on the sun
We'll ride on the rain
And talk to the trees
And worship the wind

But if you go
I'll understand
Leave me just enough love
To fill up my hand


If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
As I know you will
You must tell the world
To stop turning
'til you return again
If you ever do
For what good is love
Without loving you?
Can I tell you now
As you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly
'til the next hello

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

But if you stay
I'll make you a night
Like no night has been
Or will be again
I'll sail on your smile
I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes
That I love so much

But if you go
I won't cry
Though the good is gone
From the word goodbye

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
As I know you must
There is nothing left
In this world to trust
Just an empty room
Full of empty space
Like the empty look
I see on your face
And I'd been the shadow
Of your shadow
If you might have kept me
By your side

If you go away
If you go away
If you go away...

If you go away
If you go away...
Ne me quite pas

Uploaded by nycgirl4

Julio Iglesias can be heard singing this song by clicking on the post title.

Another version here.

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Genocide Ends

When Enough of Us

Stand Up Against It

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Comments to President Obama: 202-456-1111

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