DESTINY UNFOLDS WHEN A HEART EMBRACES IT

Sunset at Sachuest September 2009
Middletown, Rhode Island

meditate

Photo credit: Sandra Hammel

I love to write in my journals. I only have 3 blank pages left, so journal number 21 is about to begin. I write a lot to gain clarity, process personal pain, write about social injustice, the needs of children. And my son. Many books from past years are full of relationships that now as I read those pages, I realize I tried too hard to make something work that wasn't destined to work.

Today I wrote to my son in my journal...

September 20, 2009

1:45 p.m.

A stray sentence once in a while in the times we have been together over the years, I have heard you say or merely mention your saxophone, your clarinet, heard you recently read your own poetry that you obviously felt drawn to do –

Please bear with me so I can say to you – it seems to me to be apparent that your playing music, your writing, is a way for you to feel more yourself, lets you feel your soul in a way that is uniquely you.

Be aware of this specialness. Always be aware, the gift of doing these things, where art can be a “home” for your spirit, your heart, your soul. Don’t let the busyness of life cheat you out of being in your art, whatever it is – music, writing, drawing, creating. “Being” in these art moments will bring you more joy, peace, depth of feeling than the business of life can ever mimic.

You are your destiny. The universe is unfolding you and for you. Be mindful of it. It will be a source of joy, contentment, sustenance and freedom from anxiety.

Always be listening for the destiny’s voices. The destiny happens when we let it.

In a way, it is our job to be happy, to be kind. All else is a form of waiting for these moments.

End of Journal entry

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The Four Feathers - DVD Special Feature segment 4 - 8:15

At 4:13 " Eastern philosophies fundamentally say that ... human beings are stronger if they embrace their destinies. They believe that destiny is given. And therefore, your strength, your honor, your dignity, your purpose in life lies in your embracing your destiny." Shekhar Kapur, Director of The Four Feathers

Uploaded by springrose147

I encourage my son to follow his dreams. I hope that he will.

I haven't always followed mine front and center. But I have always been nearby the dreams. Never completely off the track. I have followed my heart, confused as it has been, at times. I have been honest with myself.

Recently, I had a "SoulProfile" done. A Soul Profile lists lifetimes lived before, where my soul originated and other places I have visited and the gifts that I have gained from those places. Whether others believe in such things, is a personal thing, like other beliefs. When I was in my early twenties and taking a required course in philosophy at an extremely conservative fundamentalist Christian college, it came to me that believing is a personal thing, in that, where we choose to draw the line of what to live by is arbitrary for the most part. As someone who was raised to be a fundamental Christian, including the dos and don'ts of my parents' beliefs - I was searching for my own principles of what to live my life by.

I threw out the don'ts of don't: dance, wear make-up of any kind, go to movies, wear jewelry, conservative everything... and the limitations of what a female should and shouldn't do. The don'ts of what is acceptable got a major overhaul by me. In my family, I am the odd one out. I am okay with that because I have no other choice. I have followed my destiny. I am at "home" with my music, my writing, my creating. I am most alive at times that I am in touch with my rawest and deepest parts of my spirit. It is a time of communion with my destiny, my universe.

We are breathing energy and the fact that the universe is like a big complex energy field, makes it acceptable for me - to believe we are part of the universe of energy. And just because we are life forms as human beings, that doesn't mean that there aren't other life forms that manifest differently from our physical forms.

The centering thought for me

I think the most important thing is to be kind. Kind to ourselves and kind to others. Kindness is always welcome.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

I have found pretentious people repelling. Always.

People who are closest to being themselves are the ones I want to be in the presence of.

I like this story...

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

Excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

Read the full story: http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html

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The Four Feathers is probably my favorite movie with Heath Ledger. And that is saying a lot. Although he lived a short life, he played his roles with such realness. Such authenticity. He let the characters come through him as he was their vessel. This movie's story has such depth. It is about destiny and finding yourself with the willingness to do what it takes to do so.

I highly recommend The Four Feathers and watching its special features. Below are some of the special features uploaded by springrose147.

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The Four Feathers - DVD Special Feature segment 1 - 7:50

Uploaded by springrose147

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The Four Feathers - DVD Special Feature segment 2 - 8:03

Uploaded by springrose147

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The Four Feathers - DVD Special Feature segment 3- 7:58

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Embracing more than western religion

Click on post title to go to Joseph Campbell talking with Bill Moyers talking of Faith and Religion - Perspectives. Included there, is text as well as audio.

DEEPEST NEED IS TO FEEL CONNECTED

Much of the personal writing on this post has been removed. I know it is probably cached but I felt it may be a mistake to leave it here.

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I believe the deepest need we have is to feel connected. The best that I can do is to open up. I know there have to be others out there who are looking to connect and just haven't found the words, the understanding or someone to confide in their deepest feelings and tenderness.

We are by nature fragile beings.

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Aside from looking at my own vulnerabilities, I have become interested in Heath Ledger recently. I have come late to the admiration of his work, but also I am trying to understand what is so connectable about him for me. The best parts of his movies' dvds are the special features and commentaries. I like those on A Knights Tale, The Four Feathers and Brokeback Mountain. He isn't fidgeting in the interviews of A Knights Tale and The Four Feathers, but calm and introspective. There is a wonderful segment just about him on the dvd of A Knights Tale. I used some of it in this video.

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In Brokeback Mountain's dvd special feature - The Making of Brokeback Mountain - he says that he always likes to bare his soul a little bit...that it is theraputic.

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Making Of Brokeback Mountain
Uploaded by LoveLeeR. -

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Shekhar Kapur and Deepak Chopra talk about Heath

Ang Lee talks about Heath

It is apparent that when Heath was creating, he was most at home and comfortable. There had to be some internal struggle. The drugs, legal or not, didn't serve him well. What he could convey through the lens of a video camera came across as genuine and connected to my heart. Except for the joker in A Dark Knight and Ned Kelly. The humility, down-to-earth conversation, shyness and restlessness that came across in interviews couldn't help but show a side to Heath that showed him to be a mystery of complexity. I'll never understand Heath.

I do have keys to my soul.

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Self-Knowledge ~ Kahlil Gibran

And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."

And he answered, saying:

Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.

But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.

You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.

You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.

The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;

And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.

But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;

And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.

For self is a sea boundless and measureless.

Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."

Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."

For the soul walks upon all paths.

The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.

The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

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Having a Voice

by Sandra Hammel

I’ve found my voice

Never to be stilled again

Not going to live voiceless anymore, especially when it comes to you

The small kernel of courage to live out loud has emerged

and

It feels right,
it feels good,
it feels like home.

You’ve kept me quiet with nothing but my need to have you love me.

And now something has been unleashed within me

and my voice must speak
its truths

braving your total disregard

which seems nothing more than what’s been my lot anyway.

Nothing really to lose

but to gain,
oh,
I can’t even begin to imagine
what I have to gain.
But I anticipate the possibilities with no more sadness.
Excited.

In my life’s garden, I expect gladness, gratitude and shining bright colors blooming inside

BURSTING to get
out

This is where I have always wanted to be.

Now,
I’m here.

It’s great to be here,





home.


Written January 13, 2006