LIFE IS PERSONAL

November 27, 2010, Saturday

Today, was my day with my son. Although thanksgiving day was Thursday and this is Saturday, I have never insisted on him spending it with me and not be able to go to his dad's extended family's thanksgiving day gathering. There he receives the importance of a large family coming together that is inviting and welcoming. He needs that.

Often I want to share what I write in my journal, but then I don't because it may be too personal. Recently, I started another journal and will share some writings from it.

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

Journal #22, pages s15 - 17

(My son's name)

The miracle in my life.

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

Resilience, tenderness, courage, strength in spirit ~

the best in our humanness.

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

Kindness

Giving or receiving kindness lifts your spirit, lifts the universe.

No translation needed.

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

Imagine your life with no one in it who treats you with kindness. You never experience a person who helps you when you are down. The only way you have connection with another human being who is an adult is by abuse, and worse, neglect.

If you are not even important enough to have even negative attention, how can you feel worthy to be alive? Many children live this life. November 11, 2010

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

Pages 18 - 19

This I Know

So much of my experience has been either transient, let me down, betrayed me or simply been too little to fill me up and certainly never taken me to 'overflowing'.

But music has been there always for the taking and giving.

It has been a constant in my life. It has saved me from despair. It comforts me, lifts me up, inspires and been the vessel for my inspiration.

It is the vessel for my tears, my delight, my exuberance, my spirit.

For me music is a refuge in a world that isolates and tries to exile you from your own soul, at times. Music is a refuge in an often cold world.

Music is a gift that is for the soul and is born in the soul of Life.

November 14, 2010

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

I was in the kitchen doing something I rarely do. Cook. My son was coming and this is what I do for him. It is a meal he loves. Thankfully, because it is the only thing I have kept in the cooking repertoire.

A Hole That Weighs Heavy

Sandra Hammel

It happened again today.

Like an anchor residing in my chest.

Burning hard and intense.

It has come and come again

and it doesn't lessen.

It's always the same. Deep and wide pain.

A hole that weighs heavy.

The skin around my eyes sting, my chest wells up and releases hot tear drops that I feel in the corners of my eyes. My cheeks flush with blood.

You have said the words. But I haven't felt it.

When these times come, I know.

When I stood by the apples on the counter with a paring knife in my hand, I froze and made the tears stop. I forced my face muscles to harden. Immediately, I took inventory of why I needed to be strong. Why it had to be okay that I'm not loved. But it sure feels like being loved would have healed the hole I carry around.

The hole you left me to heal.

❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧

.........................................................

.........................................................
Uploaded by Thespadecaller

There is a website - www.gratefulness.org - that as a part of it, you can light a candle for anyone, any group or sometimes I light a candle for myself. I just did that again and called the page Soul
Sometimes I name it Spirit instead.

Also, a long time ago, I started a page for Darfuris. When a page is opened but the candles all burn out (in 48 hours) and not one candle burns, that page ceases to exist, until someone starts the page anew. But the page I opened for Darfur - Darfr - never goes away, not even when no candle is burning anymore. What that means, I do not know, but I think it is wonderful that it never ceases to be, no matter what.

Where I sometimes light a candle also for

Jon - my son

Dad

ami (friend)

Heath Ledger

THE BEST THING I EVER DID IN MY LIFE

I met my son when I was a music teacher in the public schools. He was in second grade and enrolled just before Halloween, that October. He wasn’t my son, then.

November is National Adoption Month and I am getting this in just before the end of the month. But in celebration of the great time we shared this afternoon and the best thing I have ever done, below is uploaded a video and some photos from today. It is not easy to get him to stand for a picture, but we had a ball watching the video that we made together today.

“Did you know it would take less than one percent of the U.S. population to provide a forever family for every child in foster care available for adoption? November is National Adoption Month and we’re part of a coordinated effort between the U.S. Children’s Bureau, Ad Council, and Child Welfare Information Gateway to make the difference of a lifetime for about 130,000 children who deserve a family of their own.” www.adoptuskids.org

I met him when he was eight. Now, he is 22, getting his Bachelors and Masters degrees, simultaneously in engineering at Northeastern University in Boston, Massachusetts. A great young man.

No regrets.

The music my son was playing initially, while we were having some fun after sharing our meal together, was David Bowie’s “Space Oddity”.

...........................................................

...........................................................

Uploaded by cutelisha

However, I was afraid that if I wanted to upload this to Youtube, it would be banned. And I had already tested some songs from Susan Tedeschi’s CD Just Won’t Burn for another Heath Ledger video tribute, so I put the song, It Hurt So Bad on and here is “our fun”.

...........................................................

...........................................................

Uploaded by ilovemylifesblog

The picture at 2:28 is the day of his legal adoption.
We had just left the court room and were at JW's Seafood Grill
with his dad, and his dad's mom and dad.

His dad and I are no longer together,
but still help each other out,
when one or the other asked.

I sent food for his dad after our "little party".

Before we ate today, I asked Jonathan to say one thing he is grateful about life and one thing he is grateful for - about me... and I did the same for him.

He said:
I am grateful for your love, the way that you love me.... And for the understanding that you have for me not being able to talk to you, as I am studying and tutoring so much...

And I am grateful that I am able to do the work (in his engineering courses) - that I have the ability to do it (and so well, I added).

I said:

I am grateful that I have been with such great spirits lately. And I am grateful that Jonathan came to be with me, today.

It was a lovely idea and I thought he put "it" so nicely.

Jonathan's First Video - May 27, 1996

This is blocked in Germany due to the music we had playing in the background for Jonathan to dance to. This is when Jonathan was my student and visiting my home on Memorial Day. I gave him piano lessons at that time. We had planted a evergreen bush in the front yard and named it Jonathan.

9 Ways To Help Children in Foster Care

Map Quest for my area - Beautiful

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rafa lost his third round-robin match
to Novak Djokovic 6-7(5), 3-6


Rafael Nadal of Spain reacts during the men's singles round robin match against Novak Djokovic of Serbia during the Barclays ATP World Tour Finals at the O2 Arena on November 27, 2009 in London, England. November 26, 2009Photo credit: Julian Finney/Getty Images Europe

17 pictures: Rafael+Nadal

Tournaments Website: www.barclaysatpworldtourfinals

Final
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Singles
2.30 pm London Time
9.30 am USA EST
Davydenko vs. del Potro

Online viewing ( for a fee): www.tennistv.com

You might try these links for free viewing:

www.atdhe.net

www.channelsurfing.net

Great Sources of Information

vamosbrigade.com

Sponsored by Babolat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(I Ain't) Missing You Heath
Uploaded by mimccd
This tribute is about Heath's early films
Two Hands and The Things I Hate About You


A Very Young Heath in Roar
Uploaded by jopicca

I ordered both Two-Hands and Roar this week from Amazon. Roar came today! Two Hands is shipped and on its way.

A LITTLE STEP UP ON MY SOAPBOX

I was motivated to purchase these two dvds because mimccd and jopicca posted these two videos. Just wanted to say that ~ because of the battle over copyright infringement issues on youtube....and the problem of being able to post movies and especially, music on youtube. As I have said before the whole copyright issue and banning use on youtube-type sites is way behind the curve on utilizing the benefits of gaining sales by our use, not losing sales. Get with it, WMG, Sony Music, Warner Brothers, and whoever else is banning music and movie use on youtube type sites. Think outside the box

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GENOCIDE IS NOT OKAY

USE YOUR VOICE
TO CALL UPON OUR LEADERS
TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT
ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS VERY WRONG

standnow.org
www.savedarfur.org
whilewewaitsudan.blogspot.com

www.henryjacksonsociety.org/stories

Sandra from Rhode Island, but pictured here, many years ago in Paris.

That is the Arc de Triomphe in the background.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comments Welcome

Thank you for stopping by.

LEARN OF AND REMEMBER THE INJUSTICE DONE HERE TO THOSE WHO ALREADY LIVED HERE

NO PEACE IS REALLY WON WHILE EXTERMINATING OTHERS

WHILE YOU GIVE THANKS
REMEMBER THE SACRIFICE
OF THE INDIGENOUS PEOPLE

.......................................................

.......................................................

"...when justice is overlooked and only equality is granted by assimilation..... and our humanity is debased......then we know that the fight to survive has begun"
Uploaded by meowkid
'The Signals for change' by Solomon Cyr.
"Darlin' Dont Cry" Buffy Sainte-Marie and the Red Bull ~ Singers.

THE TRAIL OF TEARS

" Between 1790 and 1830 the population of Georgia increased six-fold. The western push of the settlers created a problem. Georgians continued to take Native American lands and force them into the frontier. By 1825 the Lower Creek had been completely removed from the state under provisions of the Treaty of Indian Springs. By 1827 the Creek were gone. Cherokee had long called western Georgia home.

...In 1830 the Congress of the United States passed the "Indian Removal Act..."

Native Languages of the Americas: Cherokee (Tsalagi)

History: The best-known episode in Cherokee history was also the worst: the Trail of Tears, the forced relocation of the Cherokee Indians...Though prominent Americans like Davy Crockett and Daniel Webster spoke against Removal, and though the Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional, President Andrew Jackson sent in the army. Fifteen to twenty thousand Cherokee Indians (along with Choctaw, Creek, and other tribes) were rounded up and herded to Oklahoma in the winter of 1838-1839. Driven from their homes without being allowed to collect their possessions first, even their shoes, the Cherokees were no better equipped for an 800-mile forced march than people today would be. Between four and eight thousand Cherokee people died of exposure, starvation, disease, and exhaustion along the Trail of Tears. If you understand this, both the extent to which the Cherokees had adopted American standards of civilization before the Removal and the ultimate futility of it, you will go a long way towards understanding the Cherokee mentality and also the attitudes of other Indian peoples towards us.

.......................................................

.......................................................
Cherokee Morning Song

Uploaded by letstalkaboutstuff

Samuel's Memory - Cherokee History
Samuel Cloud turned 9 years old on the Trail of Tears. Samuel's Memory is told by his great-great grandson, Michael Rutledge, in his paper Forgiveness in the Age of Forgetfulness. Michael, a citizen of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma, is a law student at Arizona State University.

Cherokee History
by Ken Martin

Pictures of Our Nobler Selves - Cherokee History

The Book: Great Speeches by Native Americans for $2.50 as of today, November 27, 2008 - governmentally designated "thanksgiving day"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

www.GenocideIntervention.net
www.SaveDarfur.org
ajws.org

Contact your U.S. Senator - Contact information

Contact your U.S. Representative - Contact information

Learn Your Congresspersons' grades on Darfur: www.darfurscores.org

Senator John McCain's Grade: C
President-elect Barack Obama's Grade: A+

Contact President-elect Obama - Contact information

1-800-GENOCIDE

Call President Bush at 201-456-1111


If You Don't Exercise Your Freedom of Speech
You Don't Have Any

HELPING DARFUR WOMEN AVOID BEING RAPED AS A PART OF THE GENOCIDE WITH SOLAR COOKERS

GIVING THANKS IN DARFUR WOULD BE FOR WHAT?

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid271525776/bclid307734328/bctid1317880152
Jewish World Watch Helps Darfur Victims

Los Angeles, CA - The Jewish World Watch is an organization that works to mobilize synagogues, their schools, their members and the community to combat genocide and other egregious violations of human rights around the world through education, advocacy, and refugee relief.

A month ago a group of executives headed by Janice Kamenir-Reznick went to Chad to see the conflict of Darfur for themselves. They also tested a new Solar Cooker Project that they had been working on that could help protect the women.

Bridges correspondent Brad Pomerance went and spoke to Janice Kamenir-Reznick about the situation and the solar cooker.

AU, UN admit struggle to recruit for new joint Darfur force
http://www.savedarfur.org/newsroom/clips/au_un_admit_struggle_to_recruit_for_new_joint_darfur_force/


http://www.jewishworldwatch.org/

IT’S TOO EASY TO IGNORE DARFUR

I often think of my life in comparison with those of Darfur and Chad. Those who live in continual fear of rape, torture and physical death after they have already been raped repeatedly, had their eyes gouged out, entire communities burned to the ground with the support of their own government, land stolen and all while we – the collective “we” – do nothing more than think momentarily about it at best.

When I have thoughts that my life isn't going well, I think of these human beings who live without a home, without bathrooms, water, food. They would be happy to live safely without electricity. When I lose electricity for a few hours, I feel so inconvenienced. When someone isn't nice to me, I let it color my whole day sometimes. And yet these people have experiences that my experiences couldn't even register on the same scale. It puts my life in perspective for me.

It is too easy to put the genocide out our minds. It is too easy to think that it is important to be overwhelmed with our "first world" problems. Computers not working, traffic, car problems, house problems. Online people complain about fiction TV show characters, actors' behaviors, sports' people.

The people of Darfur and neighboring Chad live in a different world.

We are spoiled. We would benefit from becoming aware of other people's lives and gaining perspective on priorities. The world doesn't owe us a life of self-indulgence.

Our self-indulgence can swallow us up. If we can't be self-absorbed and compassionate at the same time, then maybe we need a self-adjustment in our mindset. I had a wonderful time today with my son - a day-early Thanksgiving get-together. But at the same time, I think of the people of Darfur.

Thanksgiving: Give Thanks and Take Action

As you celebrate and give thanks this Thanksgiving, remember those in Darfur by downloading and collecting signatures for our new petition.

Divestment: Pass SADA in the Senate

The Sudan Accountability and Divestment Act of 2007 (SADA) is stuck in the Senate! Senator Chuck Hagel (R-NE), and possibly other senators, are holding up the bill. Learn More.

Divestment Survey

Your input means a lot to us. Take the divestment events survey.

Dream for Darfur Torch Relay

Join us in Washington, DC on Monday, December 10 for International Human Rights Day. We will bring the Dream for Darfur torch to the Chinese Embassy – its last stop in the U.S.

Click here to RSVP for the relay. Download our event flier for more information

If you would like to bring a group in from out of town and need help with logistics, please email dctorchrelay@savedarfur.org.

Don't forget to sign our new Dream for Darfur petition!

We have no excuses not to know about Darfur. Yes, our media is lame about reporting it. Yes, our President speaks about it when we have a rally that gets some media attention, but at the same time the President talks he doesn’t walk the walk. At the same time that Bush speaks like he is against Sudan’s government-supported genocide on the Darfuri unarmed citizens, Bush has a USA government agent sitting at the table in Khartoum, Sudan working together with the genocide-perpetrating Bashir administration. The reason? To get information from Sudan’s government about American interests regarding US fears of terrorism.

“Khartoum hosted Osama bin Laden in the late '90s, but the Sudanese government has played both sides by supplying America with some intelligence for the war on terror while continuing to raise the Al Qaeda specter as a warning to the West.”
http://www.nysun.com/article/28371?page_no

Bush wants what information Sudan will sanction out to him, so how hard do you think he is ever going to work on ending the genocide when Sudan knows it can hold US hostage? It is well-documented that the Sudanese government armed and unleashed the janjaweed on the Darfuri people and that the Sudanese government allows the genocide to go on unchecked, all while it denies that it is happening.

PBS’ Frontline “On Our Watch: After the genocide in Rwanda, the ethnic cleansing in Srebrenica, the world said 'Never Again!' Then came Darfur” can be seen at the link:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/darfur/?campaign=pbshomefeatures_1_frontlinebronourwatch_2007-11-21

The world vowed "never again" after the genocide in Rwanda and the atrocities in Srebrenica, Bosnia. Then came Darfur. Over the past four years, at least 200,000 people have been killed, 2.5 million driven from their homes, and mass rape has been used as a weapon in a brutal campaign supported by the Sudanese government.

Word of the burgeoning crisis in Darfur first came to the newly appointed U.N. humanitarian coordinator for Sudan, Mukesh Kapila, in 2003. "A young woman in her late 20s perhaps, who had trekked all the way from Darfur, sat in my office," Kapila tells FRONTLINE. "And she told me her personal story of how not only had she herself been multiply raped but also that her sisters and her family had also been maltreated in that way, and that this had actually been done by soldiers and people dressed in military and paramilitary uniforms."

But when Kapila confronted the government in Khartoum, he was met only with denials. "We said it during that time, that he's blowing this out of proportion," Abdelmahmood Abdelhaleem, Sudan's ambassador to the United Nations tells FRONTLINE.

… Kapila was also having difficulty getting action from leaders at the United Nations. Sir Kieran Prendergast, the undersecretary-general for political affairs and second in command to Kofi Annan, was hesitant about raising the profile of Darfur for fear of upsetting the peace process between the Sudanese government and rebels in the south, who had fought a 21-year civil war.

"The argument was always that if you could conclude the Comprehensive Peace Agreement, then that would provide a model which would enable you to settle the political side of the Darfur problem," says Prendergast, "which of course was only part of the problem."

The peace negotiations would go on for another year. By then the worst of the killing would be over in Darfur. The timing was no accident, according to Kapila: "When I spoke to my friendly contacts in the Sudan government in Khartoum, they told me that yes, they were also delaying the North-South peace agreement because they wanted to -- and I quote -- 'have a lasting solution in Darfur' before they signed the North-South peace agreement and the international community forced them to stop."

When the issue came up at the U.N. Security Council, the Sudanese government was supported by its powerful ally, China. James Traub, author of The Best Intentions: Kofi Annan and the U.N. in the Era of American World Power, tells FRONTLINE: "What has enabled Sudan to be as truculent as it has been is knowing that they have either the support, or at least the willingness not to act against them, of neighboring African countries, of Islamic countries generally, and of Russia and China. And above all of China. That support is critical for them."

More than any other power, the United States pushed for meaningful action against Sudan, but its standing had been weakened in the eyes of many in the international community by the war in Iraq. Prendergast tells FRONTLINE: "You know that most of the Third World regard non-interference and internal affairs as holy writ. And partly that's because they think, 'Who next?' And partly it's because the actions of NATO in Kosovo and the coalition in Iraq have agitated them in that respect and made them feel that the question of who next is a live and vivid one where they either hang together or they'll be hanged separately."

…China's economic interests remained a major obstacle to intervention in Darfur. …activists… find a way to get China's attention -- by targeting the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. Activist Eric Reeves launched a campaign to shame the Chinese government by labeling the games the "Genocide Olympics." "The message to China is clear," Reeves tells FRONTLINE. "We will ensure that your hosting of the Olympics will go down in history along with the 1936 Olympics in Berlin as an occasion of international infamy."
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/darfur/etc/synopsis.html

Al-Qaida said angry at Sudan for passing data to US
http://www.sudantribune.com/article.php3?id_article=10254

Timeline: Al-Qaeda
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/3618762.stm

Events listed regarding Darfur activism:
http://enoughproject.org/#fragment-11