SOME GRACE AND INNER BEAUTY ~ MY GOAL OF OLD AGE

Being brave has never been something I couldn't do. Over and over I have seen myself come through experiences that needed courage and time and time again I always have summoned that which is within to move me along. These experiences happened in my youth, in my young adult years, through the middle years, in personal, in professional and in child-rearing experiences. These trying times haven't been without some tremendous stress and anxiety, but there has been a source of strength, that even I have to admit is worth admiration. And now, I am at another stressful crossroads, that I need to contemplate, use introspection and summon the courage that must meet me in a time of need.

The weight of the reality and the unknown of what is happening with my body makes becoming old even more difficult and I was already processing this new period of my life with more joy of looking backward than forward in some important ways. Living in the ending period to a mortal life isn't the same as other periods. You can pretend it isn't different. Pretending about my "real" life never appealed to me. So, here I am - trying to be my own example of how to grow into these years with some grace and inner beauty. The outer beauty has had better days and those days won't be back.

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I'm Scared
by Sandra Hammel

Going through a rough time.
Was doing well
and then this thing entered my life of health.

Already was entering this period of my life with some trepidation,
the beginnings of old age staring back in mirrors.
But this thing has thrown me
and it is a strange world.

Finding myself in a new place
where some emotional footing is a goal,
when I expected to move forward, I have moved backward
on the pendulum of feeling whole.
Moments of confidence are gone and I'm scared.

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Lyrics ~ Soft Place to Fall by Allison Moorer and Gwil Owen

Daylight has found me here again
You can ask me anything, but where I've been
Things that used to matter seem so small
When you're looking for a soft place to fall

Don't misunderstand me, baby, please
I didn't mean to bring back memories
You should know the reason why I called
I was looking for a soft place to fall

Looking for a soft place
Nothing more than a small taste
Of a love that ended long ago
Looking for a place to hide
A warm bed on a cold night
I didn't mean to hurt you
No, no, no

Looking out your window at the dawn
Baby, when you wake up, I'll be gone
You're the one who taught me after all
How to find a soft place to fall

You're the one who taught me after all
How to find a soft place to fall.

Allison Moorer singing Soft Place to Fall